A
female
age
41-50,
*otty
writes:my bf of one year and i have amazing mind blowing sex, but just recently while we are having sex his errection disappears. This has happened on more than one occasion and when it does he gets quite frustrated with the whole ordeal. He says hes not stressed at home or at work, which led me to think it might be me. i'm not the most attractive of women, pretty much average if you ask me, but i am overweight. When i split up with my husband i didn't think i'd find love again, with how i look,but somehow love found me. My bf insists its not me its him, but it has started to make me wonder. He just turned 34 so i'm not sure if its an age thing or what. I would really appreaciate replies from men this has happened to, or women that have been in asimilar situation, i think seeing this from a male perspective may help me understand whats going on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): Erectile problems can start at any age, even in the 30s. It is however rare at that age. One study listed the chances of ED as 5% for men in their 40s. Difficulty in maintaining an erection for the necessary time can be somewhat higher. Smoking also increases the chances of a man having erectile problems, with about a 50% increase in risk according to one study. As others have said, stress and thinking of some problem that the person is having (not related to the sex) are more likely. However, a cold environment and lack of contact of the penis with something can make it worse. Contact with something that is not cold, like warm sheets or their partner's body, is a great help during the foreplay stage. If he has had a hard (difficult) day, it will be more difficult. It takes a lot of energy for us guys, as lala said.
Try it in the morning on the weekend. Both partners will have more energy. Also guys have many erections during the night as they dream. It has no relationship to the subject of the dream. I think that makes us more ready in the morning. I know that weekend mornings were great for me, even when I was in my 30s. Sometimes I could do it 3 times before we got out of bed. Once was the limit in the evening, at any age. I'm now over 60, and I can still, on rare occasions, have sex twice on a good morning. Sometimes I have trouble keeping it up in the evening.
A
female
reader, lala1806  +, writes (27 October 2007):
 you might want to ask him how tired he has been lately....cuz fatigue alone does the unbearable trick of a guy losing his errection.....and i dont think its his age....i dated a guy who was 36 and he has probably more sex drive than most guys i know my own age....both women and men in their 30's are usually in their prime when it comes to their sex drive...its caused from recent hormones that are released....thats why you probably see more women around that age out acting like crazy hormoned crazed females and always talking about sex either with the man they are with or how they need some haha and guys are just the same way hell they have always been that way...but some get even more sex crazed in their thirties....like i said i dated this guy and at times he would do the same thing an insist it was not me it was that he was really tired and although his mind is telling him yes yes u want this his body just wants to sleep and have you ever noticed after sex your kinda energetic but the guy just wants to relax? its cuz it takes a lot out of a guy they just lost a lot of testostron i kno i spelled that one wrong....which makes a guy very tired and less energetic and if he is already tired during the act its hard to get that working....while a girl well we all kno its much harder to turn us on but once we are we are awake and ready!!! so next time that happens ask him hey are you a lil tired?? even if he doesnt feel tired doesnt mean he is not experiencing fatigue a person can be past the point of tired that they feel very awake.....and if he is not sure thats the problem try switching positions just to switch it up and im sure that will help it helped for the guy i was with good luck hope it works out for you!
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (27 October 2007):
 Hi Hotty. It could be anything that's causing it. It's not an age thing at 34 . All I would say is it is extremely unlikely it is your looks - so I would get that out your mind - you don't just go from being turned on by someone to turned off by them. (personal hygiene is the only reason I can think of for instant turn-off - oh and dental hygiene as well). Your weight is not an issue either - if he fancied you before.
You haven't said how many times this has happened & if it's every time or occasionally. Quite important that you add this info. If it's 2-3 times and not every time - forget it - it will come back again before you've figured it out. Don't put any pressure on him - that just makes it worse.
It can happen for the most simplest of reasons - tiredness, stress, anxiety (little incident at work, a bill needs paying, too much on his mind). One of the most obvious reasons is who initiates sex. I'll explain: everything is great when he initiates because he is feeling sexy at that moment, and gets into it quite quickly. At another time he might be ready to do something else (clean the car, go to sleep etc) but you're feeling sexy ,so he obliges not wanting turn you down, but because the drive/urge is not there it affects his erectile performance. Some times it works because he gets into sexy mode quite quickly but occasionally he doesn't. On the occasions that he doesn't you need to spend a bit of time turning him on. He's probably got at least one erogenous zone somewhere you can work on. Ask him if you don't know or explore him if he doesn't know.
Hope this was the sort of info you were looking for???
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