A
female
age
36-40,
*emily06x
writes:Broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months about a month ago because he didnt want to be in a relationship.The week before we broke up it was very tense between us ( silly little arguments etc) But since we have broken up (even the day after!) we got along so much better, and really had a laugh. There hasnt been a day that we havnt talked to each other since the break up (MSN, texts, face to face) and we have started to hang out alot more. He told me he loves me, misses me etc. We flirt alot, and yesturday he kissed me, and it eventually led to us sleepin together.The last month has made me that i love him, and its been so hard. I dont want to just be his f**k buddyI just dont know whats going on through his head! if i give him time...will he want me? Or should i forget about him? :(any advice would be greatly recieved!! xxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): Hun, you dated this guy for 9 months. Why can't you just ask him if you both can be exclusive, again? All I see is a couple who broke up and now they are sleeping together with no strings attached. Daniel is correct, withdraw from giving him what he wants from you--sex. See where that takes you and him? You may finally find out some honest, truths. If he is making no move to get you back and say 'let's reconcile and begin our relationship again' then he is not returning the same feelings you have for him. He can 'tell'you he misses you, he loves you till the cows come home..but I'd be smart and gauge his true feelings on his 'actions, not what he says'. It's simply not worth it either, if you have to think about this relationship, in terms of waiting for him. You may be waiting and wasting a lot of your precious time for a guy who may not have any intention of returning the same emotional feelings you feel for him. Does he really deserve for you to put your life on hold, waiting for him to make a decision. If he won't reciprocate, then let go of this now. You are special, valuable, wonderful. Start believing that and if he can't get with the program...go find some lucky guy who will.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 I'll be the cynical killjoy. You were in a relationship with your boyfriend, and everything went wrong. Aha. Then you break up, because he doesn't want to be in a relationship, and then, THE DAY AFTER, he discovers how great you are, and how much he enjoys your company, et cetera, and, last but not least, he discovers how wonderful it is to have sex with you. He has all the benefits he used to have in the relationship. The only difference is that now he can walk away easily if he wants. You can't complain about anything he does; you're just friends. The kiss was not an "unforeseen event", but something he did to take you to bed.
You know, he just wants you to be his f***buddy. And you're right in not wanting just that.
Do a small test: try to be his buddy without the sex. Tell him you're not in the mood for it for the moment. Let's see how understanding he is.
If you give him time, he will never get bored of the benefits, and he will never want to go back to a relationship. Not committing is much easier than committing, isn't it?
If I were you, I would leave this man right away. You deserve a hell of a lot better.
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A
female
reader, pinkpeone  +, writes (22 July 2007):
Hi! Why not just ask him what's going through his head?
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A
male
reader, nigelfuxwell  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 There are two potential ways of looking at it, and I'm going to focus primarily on one, because it seems to me that a lot of people are missing the point when it comes to love and relationships.It's funny what happens sometimes when we let go of our silly titles and dreamy expectations. When you and your boyfriend broke up, something interesting happened. You started to become friends apparently. Let's look at that for a second:1) Before - In a "relationship" - fighting, arguments, not happy.2) After - Let go of your labels, began to realize that you actually enjoy each other's company, began hanging out more frequently, and now the relationship has seemingly taken on more depth. Why?Because everything you described to us in terms of what you do together is what friends do. Friends, if given enough time, opportunity and chemistry sometimes eventually become lovers. Love without the labels is usually a lot more honest and open. You asked the question "if i give him time...will he want me?"Newsflash - he already does. But men sometimes need more time than women to get "addicted". Insta-relationships are in right now, but I strongly discourage people from doing that. It's like Emerson said long ago - "Our friendships hurry to short and poor conclusions because we have made them a texture of wine and dreams instead of the tough fiber of the human heart..."Keep doing what you're doing, continue to let your relationship evolve and mature, and don't WORRY about whether or not you're going to achieve that magical "relationship" label. That word is meaningless in today's society. Enjoy what you have with him, keep being yourself without fear, and you'll have a much better chance at love than if you panic and start looking for signs when there are plenty of positive ones already there.
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