A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke up with me 3 months ago now as he didn't like being in a relationship. Ever since we have talked a lot and met up (mostly when drunk after nights out) and every time we are both out, there is always an issue when one of us get annoyed or there is a argument but we always end up going home together.I have been speaking to others since the break up and so has he as we have both told each other. We seem to just want each other but at the same time not. Even when we argue on these nights, we can never stay mad or annoyed at each other and this is when we end up going home together. It has happened a lot since we broke up and sometimes when he is out and I'm not, he rings me early in the morning drunk wanting to talk which we always do and the same thing happens, we go home together.I feel I'm doing this because I don't want to fully let him go as I'm scared once I lose him that will be it over.. Which I know is probably the best decision however it is hard to think about. I think this may be the problem for both of us.I don't see us getting back together at the moment or I don't really know when/if we would but we both know at the moment we can't be together as he doesn't want a relationship and also just under the circumstances getting back into a relationship at the moment would not be good for any of us.It's bad from both me and him for continuing to let this happen and I think we both know it's wrong.. however when you are so comfortable with someone it's easy and convenient to do so.I just don't know what to do. I would love him back but I know in reality it isn't going to happen, especially not at the moment if ever. We both have very open minds to whether we will be together in the future but it's not something we are waiting or holding back for and know if it happens it will happen. It's very hard for me to try and stay stubborn and keep to what I say when I say I won't talk to him again, but after every time this isn't the case.I just want to know what I could do. Like I said I would love if everything could be happy again, back together with no problems but I know for a fact that isn't how things work and will not happen. I know keep going back to each other is a stupid thing to do and won't resolve anything and as much as I want him, I do want this to end as I know it's best for me, no matter how hard I find it.Like I've said we've tried not talking, I've deleted his number and it's worked for a short period of time but then it is mostly when we see each other out is when it happens again. We've both said we don't like going out when the other is there as we come back to this but it isn't something we can take control of forever because there is always going to be a time we will both be out - we can't just take it in turns or not go if the other is there, because it's just life!It's a very strange situation and becomes very tiring which is my own fault, I know.Any ideas?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2016): "Any ideas?"Stop putting out for him. Stop allowing alcohol to impair your judgement.As things are, he's enjoying the benefits of a relationship (regular sex) with none of the obligations. You may be clinging to a fantasy about getting back together but from a guy's perspective you're just an easy lay, a chick who can be had for the price of a couple of drinks.If you think you can bleep yourself back into a relationship then you are terribly naive and sadly mistaken. As long as you keep giving it up to him he has no incentive to want to be in a relationship as he stands nothing to gain; he's already getting everything he wants from you.And if in the very unlikely event you do get back together, how long do you think a tenuous, volatile, alcohol-fueled relationship can last? My guess is not very.
A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (12 July 2016):
 Honeypie is talking alot of sense here. You are going to end up getting hurt because your clinging onto this because you have feelings for this guy and he is because he is getting sex. Sorry to be cynical and I am not meaning to be hurtful but there it is. If he dumped you because he "didnt really want a relationship" but is still getting sex with you then that is a win-win from his point of you. However, that is obviously not the reason your in this situation. Your hoping things will go back to how they were. They wont. Im not sure that your scared of losing him as much as scared of simply being alone. Maybe he is a little bit the same but he obviously overcame that enough to dump you, so the odds are when this crashes and burns it will be because he has walked away. Honeypie is right, walk away before its too late.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 July 2016):
 It happens, I've found myself in a similar situation in the past where it's very hard to stop seeing someone you care about even if it ends up just involving sex.
You need to think you yourself is it really worth it? You mentioned you don't think you're going to get back together or that it's a good idea that you keep seeing each other but you do anyways. You need to have a good long think what you want and whether you think just meeting for sex is going to end up as more heart ache down the line.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 July 2016):
 Don't settle for being his F-buddy if you are wanting a relationship.
I'd say you can't really complain too much as it REALLY is up to you to either walk away and tell him to leave you be, accept being his F-buddy or... tell him it's a relationship or nothing.
Right now? He is wasting your time and so are you.
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