A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me almost a month ago, saying it was him not me and that he wanted to still be friends. I was heartbroken, but I have been trying to move on. Anyway, I hadn't talked to him until he called me this week, saying he wanted to exchange our stuff (finally). He sounded miserable! And then, I saw him at college today and he looked a mess! His hair was untouched, and his eyes were dull. Well, this whole time I've talked to him I have been nothing but upbeat and happy even though I felt like I was dying inside. So, I was talking to him again, and he was just repeating the same thing on the phone! It's like, yeah, I know you want your stuff back, can you try to have a normal conversation? I don't understand, shouldn't he be happy now he can spread his wings and do whatever he wants? I told him that I support his decision but I do want to work things out, but it's impossible when he's being a zombie! What are your thoughts and advice? I am trying to move on but if he wants to work things out, I am willing to hear him out, so PLEASE don't tell me to move on, because I am trying to do that. :)
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 September 2009):
Well not necessarily. I've done the dumping and known others that have done the dumping, and it's not like they're out jumping for joy, except maybe sometimes--but a lot of the time the one doing the breaking up feels just as bad.
When people do things suddenly without an explanation there's usually something going on that they're not telling you. As far as being a supervisor and going to school...that doesn't stop a lot of people from partying, take it from someone who was in that same position, not to mention I lived with 3 other girls and even though we had important things going on, it usually didn't stop us, and I think guys are even worse.
Sorry though, I, like you, don't know what's going on inside his mind. But like I said, when someone does a 180 out of nowhere there's something going on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): (This is the original poster)No, he has very strong values against drugs. And, he isn't talking to anyone. He's cutting contact from all of his friends except his best friend, and even then I think it's limited. I'm not completely sure what he's been doing, but somehow I don't think he's partying because he is a supervisor and goes to school, so he has to be alert for that. I'm really worried about him. One would think the dumper would feel better, not worse, after the break up. (I'm not trying to sound hopeful here, I'm just tryin to think what might be going on) Maybe he's regretting the break up? He did up and leave a week before we were supposed to move in together into an apartment. It was so sudden and out of nowhere.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 September 2009):
As far as advice goes, I think you're doing the right thing, so I don't have much for you besides just plain asking him. Just let him know that you're concerned since he doesn't seem to be acting or looking like himself. He probably won't give you a straight answer, but that's probably the best you can do for now. Just to put it out there...has he ever abused drugs before? Did he start hanging around a different group of people that could have perhaps introduced him to drugs? Is he maybe partying a lot?
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