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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: My son ended up in jail, after several probation charges with shoplifting and others, to support his drug habits.Now it is the 10 th year of this struggle. We tried to help him,many many times. Right now ,I'm hesitating if I should visit him in jail, or just write him a long and very powerful letter about how I feel about all this what he had been doing to himself or to the family, and how important it would be to change ,or absolutely unavoidable. Or just go and visit? I love him, but I'm really afraid of going to a jail, as I never thought I will ever have to deal with such a thing, and also I told him earlier, that I'm never visiting in jail. But its only one side I want to save myself from more trauma, as we had to deal with authorities police hospital etc. And I'm trying to heal.. And take care of my healthy children. BUt I would go ,if I know this is the right thing to do.. I'm not sure I explained very clearly , but if you have any thoughts, just let me know. I'm open for any help, as i'm very very sad, and confused
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): I agree, ONE visit, tell him about the pain he's causing and DO NOT get involved in any excuse making or allow you to get drawn in to the BS of his drama. You need to make this trip so that he can SEE you hurt and at the dead end of enabling him. He needs to be told that when he gets out that he'll need to find someplace besides your house to flop and that you are DONE with him. He needs to hit a hard bottom...
Only after he understands that there's no place lower to sink will he decide to take a stand and make the hard decision to clean up his act.
If he's been doing this for ten years some one some where is supporting and enabling this behavior. He needs a hard slap of reality.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (25 September 2009):
 Visit him once to tell him what you need to tell him to get closure.
I would not write letters because other inmates often have access to the letters and return addresses. Not safe.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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