A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. I'm not the most attractive girl in the world. I'm short and don't have much of a "Sexy" or curvy body. My boyfriend has dated pretty attractive girls in the past (in High school), but says that he wasn't serious about any of them. Now, he just graduated college (We met in college).He tells me he's serious about me, but still checks out other girls, even when I'm there. Sometimes, I ask him why he even wants to be with me, for which he always tells me that I'm loyal, beautiful, cute, and I like to take care of him. But, if I ever tell him that he should go find himself someone else who is more sexier and prettier than me, he gets very defensive and upset. Does that mean he is trying to hide something or am i going head over heels over nothing? If I ever see a girl I know who is attractive and I point it out to him, he likes to know more about her, like where she's from, how i know her. I've done this more than once and he always seems to be curious. Is that normal for him to do? I know he loves me a lot, but it bothers me every time he gets very serious about another girl like that. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): "But, if I ever tell him that he should go find himself someone else who is more sexier and prettier than me, he gets very defensive and upset."He's upset because you don't believe him when he says he only wants to be with you. He knows nothing he can say will change your mind, and it's incredibly frustrating for him. How would you feel if he asked you why you're with him over and over, yet he wouldn't believe your answer?He doesn't want someone prettier or sexier. There is more to a relationship than looks. A guy will get bored of a girl who only has looks with no personality to back it up. He said he wasn't serious about the pretty girls in his past, that very well could be why. They may have been pretty to look at, but apparently at the end of the day, they didn't have what he was looking for. You should feel good about this, knowing you're the only one he's been serious about. In his mind, you're better than all those "sexy" girls put together. Keep in mind this isn't going to stop him from wanting to check out attractive women. No matter what you look like, people will always notice other attractive people. It's not like if you looked like a movie star, it would suddenly make all other women look ugly to him. I would stop pointing them out to him, though. All it does is make you feel worse. I think he asks how you know them because he doesn't know what else to say. He knows if he says ANYTHING about their looks, you'll get upset. He doesn't want to insult their looks to make you feel better, either. So he asks about them to try to avoid saying anything about their looks either way.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2014):
 I agree with Auntie Bim
You are seriously mind-fu..... your BF. YOU have insecurities about yourself and your looks and you expect your BF to fix that for you. It doesn't work that way, the insecurities are YOURS and YOU need to work on them.
You BF didn't go BLIND when he started dating you. He will STILL notice attractive people. You might still notice attractive people around you as well, it's pretty normal to do. And it has NOTHING to do with how pretty or sexy your partner is.
Your BF has already explained that he LOVES you for YOU. And no wonder he gets upset and defensive when you ACCUSE him of wanting prettier or sexier partners.
And pointing out girls and then getting mad is ridiculous. You are pulling the whole "does my ass look fat in these jeans thing" where if he says YES, then he is an asshat, and if he says no, then he MUST be lying.
STOP pointing out other women if you can't deal with how he reacts. YOUR BF is a little dense when he plays these games with you, because he doesn't seem to grasp that you do it to "prove" to yourself that he wants greener grass.
WORK on yourself. Or... down the line you will see your BF walking away. Not because you aren't as "pretty or sexy" as some random chick, but because you PUNISH him for YOUR insecurities.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 August 2014):
 What on earth are you doing to this young man?
What do you expect from him when you point out girls you think are attractive ..... why do you do this?
If you point out a girl, what is he supposed to do, blank his mind? He is probably wondering how the heck he is supposed to react, he knows he cant comment on her looks to you, so he asks innocuous questions instead, like where does she come from, how do you know her?
Stop telling him he should find somebody sexier and prettier.... WTF are you expecting him to do when you say that shit ... drop you there and then and follow your directives?
Stop screwing with his brain, and get yourself some help!
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