A
male
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anonymous
writes:I usually wake up with my girlfriend feeling wonderful and wanting to cuddle - almost in a child like way - but by the time we've left for work I have doubts about our relationship. This is becoming very commonplace. This morning for example, she tried to kiss me goodbye and I just didn't feel comfortable with that so I didn't kiss her - I said it seemed "unusual" and she said"Oh alright then," and dismissed me. Of course it isn't unusual for a couple to kiss goodbye in the morning, but I don't feel like we are a couple. I guess you're only a couple if you feel like you are. If I think about, I don't feel like we're a couple when we're cuddling in the morning. It feels more like a one night stand that's gone on for over five years. I don't feel like we're closely connected and I've never been able to comfortably say she's the one.Love can take time to grow but...five years? I feel I need to take action, but not just telling her it's over - we've done that millions of times and always end up back together in the same place. I need to understand WHY it's over. More than two years of counselling has proven quite futile in terms of accepting and understanding my feelings. What's the best way of resolving the doubts and confusion I have over this relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're both right of course. Thank you both for your honest responses.
Interestingly, my brother gave me very similar advice when I was having the same doubts just two weeks into the relationship. We did break up then, but her reaction was so bad and I was so sentimental that I decided to give it "a chance".
The best you can do is be philosophical and honest and let go and move on.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 July 2007):
 I'm with Dr Pete and flower.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Like Dr Pete says sometimes we are just not right for each other, and it's sounds very much the case for you two.
Maybe you do not want to just tell her that it is over but is it really fair to either of you to carry on in a relationship that clearly is not right for you.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): Do you two never communicate, is that why you feel like it's a 1 night stand? I don't really understand why it would feel like a 1 night stand when you've been with her for 5 yrs. All I would say is that if a counselor can't help you figure it out, you need to talk to her about it. Tell her exactly how you feel. Maybe she feels the same way. If you can't resolve it, end it and don't go back. You will never fing "the one" if you keep wasting your time with the wrong person. It took me 5 yrs. to end my unhappy relationship and it was the best decision I have ever made. It is really hard, and scary to make that decision but it is always for the best if you know it's not meant to be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): Poor you, you've wasted 5 years of your life with someone you know you don't have a real future with.
Sometimes there isn't some big deep rooted issue that a counsellor is waiting to uncover, it could be as simple as wrong girl, wrong time. Not considered that?
Are you going to waste another five years of your life with these feelings too? They aren't just going to fade away...
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