A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in need of help please. I truly love my boyfriend but we're going through a tough time right now and I'm in need of advice. We are both go to college, work, and to make things worse he's a 40 minute drive away. Sometimes we only get to see each other once a week and I know that's not enough but our schedules are so hectic. There are days when he's off, but I'll be working, or vice versa.The few times that we do get to be with each other is wondeful. Those days I couldn't be happier and he says the same.We do have good, strong communication and we know this is an issue but we also don't know what else to do.We've been together for almost 3 years now and the spark is gone. I want to try to get that back. We used to be able to talk on the phone for hours about absolutely anything, the most random subjects, and now sometimes we don't even know what to talk about! Talking on the phone is kinda getting old though (I mean, 3 YEARS! on the phone.. go figure).I understand most relationship hit this stage after a while, but how do they manage to survive after this?We love and care for each other, and we don't want to break things off, but is it still possible to get back that spark? Our relationship is really being affected by this distance. Help!
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male
reader, AlwaysRunning +, writes (15 January 2010):
That really sounds a lot like my marriage now. 3 years and we're slowly drifting apart. I'm probably not in the best position mentally/emotionally right now to help you, but the "spark" is an increase of serotonin (not that simple but for quick purposes it will do), and over time the serotonin levels will drop and another chemical (I forget which one) takes over and that is "love". What gets you through the tough times, makes you do anything for that person; well you know what love is. Anyway, if there isn't enough contact then when serotonin levels drop to normal, the "love chemical" isn't strong enough and you have the problem that both you and I have. My problem is that there is another person who I've met who is giving me that increase in serotonin. Maybe giving advice to you will help me.
Try spending more time together if possible, if that doesn't help your situation then maybe it is time to move on. Sounds like you're in a position where both options will not work. I don't know...again I'm not in the best mindset to try and help other people right now.
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