A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for seven years, we were together in high school and for the last seven years we have had a distance relationship on and off due to me studying. now i am home for good I am starting to feel that i'm settling for whats comfortable. hes the only boyfriend i have ever had and I haven't know anything else. there is so much I want to do or have already missed but there are a lot of expectations for us to get married and settle down. I don't know if I am just having a phase or not but I don't know what to do I am really close to his family and I don't want to hurt anyone but I don't know if i should stay in a relationship where i feel like i am stick in a rut but i don't want to end it and hurt him or his family i love them all. should I Stay in the relationship and see if it is just a phase or should i end it and go my own way? i really need some advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2015): After 7 years, you know him as much as any person can know another. There are no mind blowing tricks left up his sleeve that he will amaze you with after the 8 year mark.Therefore, if at this stage, you are not convinced what he has to offer is enough to make you content, then break up with him. Notice that I didn't mention other men. That's because you'll never know EVERYTHING that's out there. There's no magic number of people to date to get a feel for the market. The personalities and possibilities are endless that in the end, you make a choice about who you spend your life with based on how you feel about that person as an individual, rather than how you feel about them compared to others.If you compare, you'll always find someone who's smarter, better looking, funnier, sweeter... unless you accidentally met my partner. I think he's the closest thing to perfect but sorry, he's taken.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 March 2015):
 sensitivity bloke is spot on. SEVEN YEARS???? .... and you're not sure if this guy is "the one"???? Feel comfortable that he's not ("the one").....
You and he can split apart, and if..... after a while... you think you (and he) don't want that split... then you can ressurect things......
Remember.... you're ONLY 22-25 Y.O..... so you have plenty of time to explore and make choices....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 March 2015):
 Oh, that's really impossible for us to answer. But I believe that the answer will come to you by itself. Whenever Ive been in those situations where I don't know what to do, I just sit and wait a little before I make a decision, and the answer just presents itself.
What is it you want to do with your life? And what makes you think you're "missing out" just because you're in a relationship? Try to define it, not for us, but for yourself. Pin point your goals and ambitions to get a solid grip on them. You wont get anywhere in life with vague ideas, and if vague ideas are all you have then I would recommend you figure out your life goals rather than think it's your boyfriend who's holding you back. Because your dreams/goals are up to YOU to accomplish, with or without a boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (6 March 2015):
 After seven years with someone, if you're still not sure about them then it's time to move on.
It's going to be hard, but it's wrong to stay with someone just because of what other people expect. The only reason you should stay with someone (a boyfriend) is because you really want to and they feel the same as you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2015): You don't state that some grand love alternative out there exists that will give you eternal fulfillment. Instead, you are asking us whether you should drop your loving relationship with huge social support for something that does not even exist. So, I am not the one that will tell you to, sure!, gamble away what you have for something that does not even exist. One thing about relationships is that each side has to make attempts to remedy whatever the situation is ailing it... so in your case, I am suggesting, talk to your man first and find what makes the relationship stale, open the channels with ideas to fix what is ailing the relationship. After you exhaust the possibility, only then turn to leaving your man because even if it does not workout at least you have a alibi and a track record that you've done all you can. As for your quip that he is your only BF and you don't know what's out there... I think you do know what's out there because if there was any better you would have found it, in the university or elsewhere. If you are settling into comfort then your BF is the comfort, which means stuff outside is most likely not... When it comes to searching for the unknown, just the sheer waste of time is regretful let alone possible self-abuse through the process of the wanton search. So, is it a phase? Yes it is but if like any phase, it needs to be resolved in order to confirm and reinforce the good behind it. In other words, if you don't address the problems of that phase then the phase will become a cliff off of which you will dive into uncertainty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2015): Based on my experience,I'd say : leave.I don't know IF your experience will be the same though. It might be different.I had those feelings of wanting to leave once every 2-3 years for a month or two then it passed. As I discussed it with a friend who was married for 8 years at the time, she told me it was normal etc. ebbs and flows in a long-term relationship etc. etc. She divorced. I'm no longer with that guy.I regret it not ending earlier. I think resentment builds up over time (for the things you TRULY can not do whilst you have a partner..g. in my case: wild nights out with friends. You eally can't have a "wild nigh out",especially if your partner isn't with you,so everybody around you ends up having good time whilst you end up taking care of everyone). And,on his side, if he wants marriage,serious relationship etc, resentment builds up coz he can see/notice that you're not 100% sure so insecurities creep in.Ask yourself this-IF he asked you to marry him right now,what would you say? Yes or No?Answer it and follow your heart.ps: I had the same feeling of "not having experienced enough",i.e. I couldn't judge if he was good for me or not/I didn't know if I could get any better or whether I'd get any worse. I genuinely just didn't know if what I was in was good enough. I was happy and very comfortable,but questioned it like you do. I think now, with hindsight, the fact that I questioned it means that it wasn't for me. If I was truly,truly happy I wouldn't have questioned it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 March 2015):
 I have a feeling that you know you would miss him terribly and second guess yourself if you end it. Ask yourself what you would like to do before settling down without having to separate from him. What is he stopping you from doing? If you are happy with him, sex and chemistry are good then it's not necessary to experience more men in your life. I don't know if stuck in a rut means you are unhappy. There are many people who date for more than 10 years before getting married. You don't need to get married to prove to family members.
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