A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Few months married, and I feel that something strange is going on with my husbad. We have been fighting more frequently nowadays in our marriage. Few months ago, he msgd his female coworker nonwork related saying have a great day etc. I know that he was just being nice but I let him know that I though of it as a flirt and so I asked him to stop that and he has. Not long ago, they travelled with work. Apparently, she stayed in his room he claims only few minutes while her room as getting ready. The problem is not that, but the fact that I asked him and he lied at first about it. So while he was away he havent spoke much except trying to talk aboutthis and resolve it. He said that he did nohing wrong nor inappopriate though I feel that something is going on between them. He avoided me fo few days but was available to be online (principally talking to her) and additionally he added her onto myspace. While he clearly stated to me that she's just a co-worker and non of the other coworkers are on his site excep for her. So he got back, and was acting odd. Saying how "unahppy" he is atm while before this business trip he was so sad th he had to go since we were so happy. I asked him more and we talked and he was vague. A day after, I saw that he has recieved a msg from her about concern if he made it home. While no other coworker msgd him like that. That evening she msgd him saying how awful it was for her to come back home and talk with her parents. He has not replied to her at all. Though he has deleted this msg and gone behind my back to hide it. So he bursted at me for invading his privacy by checking the phone. I said that I will work on it an I was all in apologies etc. He started to threaten to have the marriage over etc. Over the few days, he says he's been exhausted and tired, that him giving me a kiss and a hug is so difficult. He is witholding his emotions.I tried to let him know my concerns about this but I dont get any respond from him back about me being worried and concerned . I let him know that if I see more personal mgs from her, I will msg her and ask her to respect us.On the social site, she written like a mellow quote from a song that deals a bit about love and looking fwd.Today, I checked his phone infront of him, and he bursted me at me saying how everything is over. I didnt want to check his phone really meaning this from the bottom of my heart but something told me to do it. I saw a msg from her, it was professional this time but seemed like she was complaining to him since she lost access to her comp at work nd so they cant online msg and she put tose emoticons in. So he threatened me to just get a lawyer because he is considering divorce. I didnt want this like this to happen andI feel awful because I love him. I feel that there is no respect for us form her part, and he claims that im just parnoid but is unwilling to ask her to stop msging him. What do I do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): It sounds like this woman is the one doing all the running after your husband although he does also sound evasive. It does sound like he is cheating.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 If he had nothing to hide then in my opinion he would be laughing about this and doing his best to put your mind at ease and concentrating on your marriage together. Maybe at present nothing has happened but by insisting thats its ok to have a female friend like this means maybe something will in the future. He obviously likes having her in his life so I think you are right to be suspicious. You need to talk and if he is still adamant nothing has or will happened ask him to ask her to stop contacting him at home as it is inappropriate and you will have to take it from there and see what his reaction is x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Okay, I'll try my best to offer some advice.
Right now you're in a very emotional state. It's totally legitimate, but I'd try to take a step back from all this. I know you're clinging on to every clue and possible indicator because you feel deep down that something more is going on with this coworker. I'm not saying something is or isn't, but approaching him this way will cause him to shut down and get defensive. You know it won't get you the information you need, because the information you need comes from him opening up and talking
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A
female
reader, caring-chrissy +, writes (20 May 2008):
You have a right to be concerened. any man that acts like that has something to hide. paranoia is simply a suspician with no proof. if he isnt doing anything then why would he hide the messages? why is he always so tired? why doesn't he talk to you anymore? they are all questions that he should be answering. and if he doesn't have the time to think of you're needs, then there is no reason you should stand that. he is threatening devorce because he wants you to stop snooping. you are more than likely right. but if he isn't man enough to confess then let him play his little games. leave him to his life. if he still loves you he will come back to you and realise what he has done. but if he doesn't then leave him. you deserve better then that, when you marry it should be you, and only you he has time for. if he doesn't have time for you, then why should you make time for him. it hurts to leave the one you love. but at the end of the day, just remember that he married you for a reason. he'll come back to you. and if he doesn't, then he married you for the wrong reason.
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