A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm gonna make this quick. In college, just been diagnosed with epilepsy, secretly depressed - family thing I just can't talk about it. I've been with the most amazing guy for six months, we really love each other. Well I thought we did. I love him more than anything but he's been pulling away, getting short with me. Then today I had a break down, he called me and said that he needs some space, he feels like he's turning into an asshole and wants to sort himself out. I said I'd help but he's pushing me away, doesn't want me to help and has said he doesn't want to come to mine as much, wanting to spend time alone. I can get that, I really can, but it feels like he's not telling me something, he seemed sad about what's happening but also kinda uncaring. He's on a trip and says he's bought me a present but then he tells me he doesn't want to spend time with me? What do I do? What's going on? Please help.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 May 2014):
 You need more help than he does, based on your original post. A recent diagnosis of epilepsy, depression and unspecified but presumably troubling family issues? That's a lot for you and more than likely too much for a young relationship, especially one that is in the honeymoon period, before you actually know really understand each other.
You need more help than he does and perhaps in his mind, doing this will force you to face whatever it is you need to face and deal with getting healthy. He's not going to be the one who sets your life back on track. You are going to have to be that person for yourself.
If I were you, I would take my power back, end the relationship and deal with the issues that you face on your own, as he's not stepping up for that job, nor should he. It's YOUR job to face these issues.
He's young, he didn't sign up to be your caretaker. Even though you have offered to be his, he recognizes on some level that you are the one who will need more emotional and health support than he is prepared to offer at this point in his young adult life.
Take control of your life, and your health--both physical and mental-- be brave and ask for help from people who are actually qualified to help you. Your doctor, a social worker, a trusted family member, a support group... you will need to find that help.
Emotional and physical ill-health in a partner is a romance killer for some people, they feel guilty and don't know what to do but will withdraw from the situation. At 6 months in, he's not necessarily your life partner and you should not expect that of him.
Let him go, deal with what you have to deal with and you may be surprised to find that the right guy will present himself when the time is right.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 May 2014):
 NEVER "sit around and wait" for a man to make up his mind. Go on YOUR way - much as he's going on his - and, if and when he thinks he is inclined to have/rekindle a "relationship".... then, at that time, you can decide if you're sufficiently interested in him to ressurrect things. THAT will give YOU all the "power".... and he can find out, later, if he screwed things up.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): Original poster here. He claims (after a long phone call) that he feels like he isn't helping me enough with my emotional issues and that he's becoming someone he doesn't want to be. He says he doesn't think we are gonna last despite him loving me so much, and that he wants some space to figure it out - without breaking up. So basically he wants me to sit around until he decides if he loves me enough to stay with me or if he should just give up.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 May 2014):
You are correct when you write: "...it feels like he's not telling me something,..."
What he's not telling you is that he's turned his attentions elsewhere..... and the "relationship" that YOU thought existed between the two of you, has run its course, and he is moving on. Do the same...
Good luck...
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