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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for three years now. As a partner he is wonderful, he respects me, he is loyal and we love to spend time together. I am 25 and he is almost 40. He is my first serious relationship and I have not had sex with anyone. However one thing has clouded the relationship. Sex. He has never had sex with me. He has never tried to and he has not responded to me asking him to have sex with me. I have tried everything: dressing up, planning dates, massages, sexy underwear you name it I have tried it - but he will not respond. I have asked him why three, maybe four times and it always ends up in an argument where he tells me that if I am unhappy that I should leave. He claims he cannot give me an answer as to what stops him - although he is not gay, and has had numerous gfs in the past and has also had a child. When we met we were just good friends, and as a result he has told me about his past gf's. He has had lots of sex with them and he seemed like a regular guy when it came to sex. With me its totally different and I cannot understand why. He uses reasons such as I wear long pjs, he is scared his penis might rip and various other things to justify not having sex with me. He also says he is under a lot of pressure to kill a debt that he has (which IS substantial) and that takes up most of his resources. After much deliberation I came to the conclusion he does not have sex with me for the following reasons:1. He does not find me attractive - I am nothing like his ex's (I am asian whislt they were all white, I don't wear make-up , they did. They were glamourous and pretty whilst Im more of a plain jane) 2. He sees me as a friend and cannot bring himself to have sex with me. I just need some input into what people think is going on. Also has anyone ever been in this situation? My self esteem is shattered.
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debt, his ex, self esteem, underwear Reply to this Question
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female
reader, redchevygal  +, writes (5 October 2010):
I think it is a medical problem or an issue with his ability to achieve an erection not that he is not attracted to you for some reason he is afraid of what you might think about his ability to perform
A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Yeah, I'm guessing it's a problem like what the poster suggested, or he's found he can no longer achieve an erection. It's more likely he's guarding his ego (hence his defensive anger when you broach the subject) than that he's not attracted to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): Hey there I think I may have an answer to this and it comes from personal experience. You see I too as a guy would decline sex but the reason was I had a medical condition called phimosis. It means the foreskin is too tight and in some situations it can be too painful to have sex. I got this fixed (circumcision) but a lot of men feel nervous to talk about this problem so try asking him about it.
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