A
male
age
41-50,
*ikey1980
writes:ok here it goes, my girflriend and i starting dating 6 years ago, she was 17, i was 19, about 4 years ago my gf cheated on me , and lied for a about a year about it, even though i knew , and asked her about it, finally she told me, i wasn't ok with it at first, but i guess i was scared of losing her, so i decided to work things out... Anyways our cat swallowed a sewing needle and thread she found off the carpet, and well needless to say we rushed her off to the vet, she had the surgery, is fine, cost almost all of our savings close to $2000, and we were arguing about next mortgage payment and well all of a sudden i said a phrase i will probably never repeat in my life, but it contained the word slut, etc, well about 3 days after that of not talking, she just came up to me wanted me out of our house, ok so i did the right thing , and packed my stuff, and left, . i thought better not to esclate things etc.. i figured its just a bump in the road, i will get the chance to apologize for it, well now she doesn't want the apology. I know it sounds stupid, but i really don't want to break up with her, i love her dearly, almost 7 years, i was going to ask her to marry me on valentines day, now it seems like i can't get her to talk to me, she avoids talking to me period. I really love her, what should i do?
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 hi mickey
i am sorry about what happened unfortunately when something is done is done and cannot be undone, i think the first aunt had said a mouthful. what i can add is that when you are angry about something let it out gracefully dont sweep anything under the carpet hoping everything will be alright as long as you are not happy with it, it will never go away, our bodies and minds are not machines even a computer crashes if you input something it cant handle well so are our bodies, she cheated on you and you burried your anger later in life the situation became unbearable and you lost it and end up saying some things you should have said four yrs ago. loosen up a bit and dont be so insecure in a relationship that you let your love cloud your judgement. love alone doesnt make a relationship, allow your relationship to go through some phases that way both of you can grow inlove because overcoming challenges together makes a couple stronger, but this can only be strengthened by trusting one another deeply and communication tops it all.
write her a mail and explain to her how you feel, remember she thought you have forgiven her so it came as a shock to her when you throw that past back at her face. text her just to warn her and maybe tell her you will call her later after she read it so that you will know she is expecting your call. hope everything goes well.
jovial
A
female
reader, Carina +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Oh dear. This is what so often happens if one person in a relationship has a 'fling'. The problem is for the other person to truly forgive and forget. It sounds as though you still have some anger about the incident and this came out in your argument. I expect you controlled your anger at the time for the sake of the relationship. Did you talk properly together about your feelings when this happened four years ago? I expect she still carries some guilt about it all too, so it will have hurt her badly when you called her a 'slut'. If I was you I'd write her a letter or email explaining all this and telling her how much you love her and how much you regret losing your temper. Suggest that you get together and have a good long talk about how you both feel. See how that goes. If necessary go for couple counselling. This sounds like a good relationship, so it's worth you both working for it to survive. Best of luck!
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