A
female
age
41-50,
*xc lady
writes:My partner and I have been together for 6 years and I have a Daughter from a previous relationship who calls my partner Dad(No contact with my ex).When we first got together he explained that he and his ex were still friendly and i accepted that.Then his ex met someone else and he didnt like her seeing her ex so they lost contact. Last year she split from her partner of 3 yrs and moved back with her parents with her 1 yr old son.I might just add here that she left my partner because they couldnt have children together,they tried ivf and everything.Anyway my partner admitted that there were still feelings for her and that was that.Then a few months later he admitted he loves her as much as he loves me!!Then a few days ago he admitted if the chance arose he wouldnt be able to stop himsel from sleeping with her and when i asked him if he was happy with me he had to think before answering and then said that he is happy but feels he has to work at it rather than it coming natural like with his ex.He goes round to help her whenever she calls with a problem and even took her out for a meal before xmas.What should i do?I love hm with all my heart and dont want to hurt my Daughter either help!!!1
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female
reader, Zoe4582 +, writes (16 December 2009):
I think you are strong. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. And we'v overcome many problems but there's just do much a girl can take. During our two year aniversary, we had a big break up (just kinda break thing) . He is always the over protective and loving type and it is very difficult to imagine him trying to get with another girl. But during that break, that's exacly what he wad doing. It has taken me so long to forgive him for we have so much memories. I love him much. Our relationships kind of in describable unless it's been seen. Though his possesive and aggresive, I dono if I'm putting myself in danger..
A
female
reader, sxc lady +, writes (23 January 2008):
sxc lady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to let you all know we are currently taking a 2 week break so i can sort my head out but i am missing him like mad.He calls every night to speak to our Daughter and to see how i am and he says he is missing me too.Before you ask he is staying with his sister NOT his ex.
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A
female
reader, sxc lady +, writes (11 January 2008):
sxc lady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to state that he was with his wife for 14yrs and married 9.They were each others firsts and she left coz she wanted kids more than him.She fell out of love with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): Wow, he hasn't contacted her since January 2? As of the 10th, that is a whole 8 days! I bet he couldn't even go without a cigarette for that long! This is really significant, it means he did not mean anything he admitted to you! It must, we should never pay attention to a man's words, they never say what they mean or mean what they say./...as long as we are blind enough to ignore it.
People ALWAYS tell us who they are if we will only listen.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (10 January 2008):
 I sincerely hope you are doing the right thing here, but surely the statement he made about still being in love with his ex is still going to haunt you forever more. I mean, from anything eg every time you guys quarrel you may throw things about his ex in his face or if you get intimate whether its her or you he is thinking about when you are making love to each other. Sorry to put a dampner on things here, six years is a fair while to be together, but it was him that came up with the shocking blow of still being in love with his ex and if the occassion arose he would not think twice of sleeping with her. If my boyfriend told me that I would be absolutely devastated, suffice to say he would be history, as I would never want to be other than number one in his life. What really makes you think that for one weak or drunken moment he won't sleep with his ex? You are so worth much more than playing second fiddle to your boyfriend's affections. So please think about what me and the other Aunts are saying here, we only have your interest at heart here.
I think you should find a guy who loves you and you only , not an insensitve and shallow jerk who does not give a stuff about your feelings. Take care my love Dusky xxx
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A
female
reader, sxc lady +, writes (10 January 2008):
sxc lady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince the 2nd Jan he hasnt had any contact with his ex(i know i checked his phone,now who's out of order?).I wrote him aletter to tell him how i am feeling so i wouldnt get all emotional on him and he said that it's me he wants to be with and so far we seem to be doing fine(apart from me checking his phone whilst he's in the shower).
Thanx for all your advice and please keep it coming.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (9 January 2008):
DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM !!!!!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (3 January 2008):
 My opinion has not changed. He needs to cut all contact with his ex. They do not have children together to share custody, and thus I see no reason for them to be "this close".
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, sxc lady +, writes (2 January 2008):
sxc lady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for all your help after i posted my original message i asked him if he wanted to be with me or her.He told me he wants to be with me and that he just wants to see his ex settled down and happy.I told him that in my eyes it seemed he'd rather be with her and he said No that's not the case.
He told me that he loves me and our Daughter and that he has responsibilities to both of us.I asked if he would ever go back to his ex and he said a definate No when i asked why he said he has a new life with me and that he wouldn't be able to go back to what they had because there's too much water under the bridge,she's too selfish and he wouldn't be able to trust her.He also explained he wouldn't be able to live with her but can't imagine life without her around either.
When i asked about sleeping with her he said he understands what he stands to lose and that thought alone would deter him from carrying through.I told him how i felt and he said he doesn't understand why i'm still with him when he's basically told me he still loves his ex so i told him because i love him and that until she came back on the scene we were fine.He has promised not to go running everytime she phones and that he will only go and see her for special occasions(b'days etc).Its quite funny actually because after i posted the first time we met her when out New years eve at a mutual friends house and we got on ok.I kept on eye on how she was around my partner but she didn't flirt or do anything out of line.My partner got drunk and fell asleep on the sofa and i had been playing with her little boy who is really adorable and after she had put him in his pram to go to sleep she said she was going out for a fag and did i want to keep her company,i don't smoke but could sense she wanted to talk to me so i followed.She said that she wanted to thank me for being so understanding with regards my partner seeing her and told me she in no way did she have any plans to get back with him or to try and split us up.She said that he was a lucky man and she could tell that he loves me and our Daughter very much.She then told me about this new fela she's seeing and that was that.Do i take what she said at face value though,my partner hadn't told her about our earlier chat because he spent most the night with either me or his mate.What do you think about the situation now??
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A
female
reader, tytoalba +, writes (1 January 2008):
 You're being too good of a person. You are too good for him. let him go back to his ex. But make sure that your daughter gets detached from him or it won't be a clean break when it's ended. Make yourself confident that he is not worthy. You must do this and be confident for your child for who does she have to look up to but you? You can't be in a relationship that is one way. If 6 years has not helped no amount of time will. If you don't be the end it, you and your daughter could end up emotionally scarred.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Frank has hit it on the head....he doesn't deserve you, you have been a long suffering girlfriend hanging in for 6 years...don't waste 6 years and one more day....you will find someone else who will love you with all of his heart and staying with this man is keeping you from being open to meeting the one.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 I think if the reason your boyfriend and his ex broke up is because he couldn't give her children and she now has a child that there is a very good chance he is thinking, problem solved and he is planning to get back with her.
Even if she doesn't take him back, you should not be put in this position to be 2nd fiddle. What he said to you is mean and heartless. He said these things to you to let you down gently and so that he can feel like he was honest with you if he leaves you.
I think for the sake of your self esteem that you should take the high road and leave him now as he can't give himself to you completely. Your daughter doesn't deserve this either and the longer this relationship goes on the more hurt she will be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): 6 years is a long time with being with someone and i understand that you probably dont want to throw things away, but your boyfriend is being unreasonable, but he is at least honest giving you the chance to be the one in control of what will happen.
He is wrong about one thing especially however. Everyone has to work at their relationships for them to work, be happy etc. It all comes natural to couples in the beginning but it all soon wears away and it looks like thats what your bf is going through - the honeymoon period. As selfish as you want im afriad you really need to think about your daughter because she will always have to come first.
Be strong and talk to him showing him that you are confidant but not threatening (as this may push him further) Tell him you love him and that you want to make this work but at the end of the day you are not to be used or taken advantage of, he is a grown man capable of controlling his emotions and for him to stop acting that a reckless teenager and grow up and take responisbility for the lives you both have together with your daughter.
If he refuses, then im afraid he's not really worth it despite 6 years. His ex may be using him and he may come crying back to you in the end so you must be strong and support yourself.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (31 December 2007):
Your daughter is getting more and more hurt everyday. The longer you let this go on, the longer she will get more attached to him.
Your bf is a wimp. He wants to break it off with you, but does not have the balls, so he is trying to break it to you slowly by saying these things, so that you will be ready for the split when it happens. He is planning on leaving, but is not ready yet until he knows for sure he can replace you.
Dump him ASAP, and find someone else.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (31 December 2007):
 Oh my God!!
YOU should be his number one, you should be the only one he thinks about. How can he have a future with you if he's thinking about her too?
You need to leave him. What a jerk.
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