A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm in a great relationship with my bf for a year and 7 months. We are both in our early 20s. And he is my first bf and im his first gf too. We are both graduating from college in May and do not expect to continue dating after graduation because we will be too far away. It hurts us both and we dont want to break up, but our careers are important and we worked so hard to get this far. But who knows what we decide by then. The thing is we never said "I LOVE YOU" yet. I do love him, I've tried to tell him a few times but I was too shy or waiting for a good moment. Whenever the subject of love comes up with friends, he always says he doesn't believe in love. He thinks it's something found in movies, not in real life.Because of this, I don't expect him to say he loves me first. Should I still say it? I feel like he does love me but he doesn't realize it. I want to say it because I know if I don't I might regret it forever.
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female
reader, whatiswrongwithme  +, writes (10 January 2013):
Your situation sounds extremely similar to mine. Just like you , I will be away from my boyfriend after graduation and I expect us to break up/ the relationship to fall apart.I know he cares about me a lot and is sad to think of us breaking up, he may possibly even love me, but I don't expect him to say that...or even to say it back. I think the thought of the imminent break up is what keeps him from saying it to me. I haven't told him either because I fear his reaction; I'd also be crushed not to hear it back. Basically, I think he'd like us to end it before acknowledging how far things have got. Your boyfriend might have the same reason; I think it's understandable, but it's also sad. I plan to tell him on our very last day together, when I'll have nothing to lose.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2013):
 IF you feel it you should say it. He may be like my husband who never says it. He told me when we first started getting serious... "I don't say I love you an it was the reason one of my relationships broke up" because she needed to hear it and he wouldn't say it ever. Turns out he can say it... he's told me over two years about 4 times total he loves me. BUT he SHOWS me he loves me every day.
IF you will regret it, then tell him. But do not expect to hear "I love you too"
I tell my husband "I love you" when I feel that overwhelming urge to say it for some reason.
Usually we use codes...
the first time I realized I was falling in love with him (and I was NOT happy about it) I looked at him and said "damn you to hell" it's our code for "I love you"
and the first time he said it to me EVER was at dinner with a friend and I did something and he said "I love you too"
I was floored and my friend just laughed and said "she never said she loves you"
so... be aware that words are just words... actions are more important but by all means TELL HIM how you feel.
just don't do it to hear it back.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 You've answered your own question in the last line of your posting.
You want to tell him, and you feel you'll regret it if you don't tell him. So, ...tell him.
Only, though , if you are telling him because you want to express your feelings, not because you want elicit/squeeze out of him an " I love you too ". Which may come or may not , seen his views about love. Are you sure that if he says " ok, thank you " you won't feel crushed ? ( You shouldn't, since this was ,by mutual agreement, a transitional love , but often we do not feel what we "should " ). If you can handle also a different response from what would make you happy, go ahead and tell him.
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