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female
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anonymous
writes: my partner and i have been together 12 years, with one child.the year before last he left me on my birthday, and returned in april 2005,promising me the worldetc etc.since then he has tried to move the goal posts. i always wanted to marry him, he steadfastly refused and used every excuse under the sun.he shuts me out of his life ie his friends, even with his mother, whom he has dinner with every wed nite, me and my daughter never get invited!as i have looked after both of them through ill health this hurts quite alot.he cant cuddle me, we never kiss, and now he cant make love to me.i feel so isolated,angry and sad. any advice.? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (31 May 2006):
 Time to pull yourself together and call it a day, you have tried and tried to make it work and he has lied and promised changes that he never intended to happen.
Dont take it anymore, if you cannot throw him out they you find somewhere else to live.
Go to see your local housing and get on the housing lists, go see a solicitor or advice centre to see what money you are entitled to and what rights you have.
Being a single mum is hard but not as hard as sharing your life with someone who lies to you and obviously does not love, care or respect you.
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (31 May 2006):
 I feel for you I really do. You say he "can't" cuddle / make love to you, not "won't", so that is something I will have a guess at. Has he never been a very physically demonstrative person? Not touchy feely? And now not making love is making things worse for you? He may not want to be physical because of pressures he's feeling.
I actually don't think the dinner with his Mum is a problem, we're all different and maybe they want some time together on their own. That's not unusual for everyone. The friends and physical contact issue is difficult. If this is a new thing then of course you're going to notice a difference and feel pushed out. I assume you've tried talking to him? Men don't always like to open up with their feelings, but if you're not happy, you need answers.
Questions to ask yourself? Why did you take him back? Why do you want to marry him? (it seems v important to you) How big an issue is this in the relationship? You say he's amking excuses and that sounds like he's being quizzed a lot about it. Maybe for the time being, you should forget about a wedding, accept he doesn't want to (try not to take it personally). BUT he has to meet half way and tell you what it is that's led to you feeling rejected. If he can feel your support, he may surprise you and talk. Then hopefully he'll relax and enjoy you. If he does, try to enjoy a relationship with a man you love the way he is. It's give & take so you need to find a compromise or maybe it's time to be on your own and have the chance of meeting someone who will make you complete.
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