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female
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anonymous
writes: I need some advice.... I was in a relationship for nearly 5 years, from the age of 16. My ex decided to break up as he believed he didn't see a future for us. Although this was over 3 years ago it still left me in bits. Looking back we were only young, he was my first love but the end of the relationship broke my heart! I'm still best friends with his sister and have seen him recently at a family event. We've been intouch by text and now he's saying he wants me back. He's currrently living with his partner and i am with mine too. We met up last weekend to talk and I asked questions about things i never had answers to. He is still in love with me and has even said he would marry me (which he wouldnt with his current gf)He states he would learn from his mistake and is willing give up everything to move back home. I am now doubting my relationship and my bf is starting to notice something is wrong. I can see my ex and I in the future unlike my current bf. I have a mortgage and dont want to let anyone down especially my bf! Should i try and get on with my current relationship? I'm so confused and so is he. Im only 23 and this is the biggest decision i have ever made! Any ideas? Thank you for reading xx
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female
reader, cheatashop1  +, writes (26 January 2011):
I have had this before. My Ex Fiance from altogether a year and a half i dumped him and he has had a gf from 9 months now and he still wants me back, and we were friends for 7 years pretty much. He Cheated on my several times but made up for it later after i took him back, which was the dummest excuse my french (Fucking Move I ever Made!) I had a different man when we split, he treated me good but was controling and I left him and when i got back with the cheating ex, i dumped him again. The point is, He was an actor, so how do you know this man aka your ex isnt one too!? He may or may not have done that too you when you were with him. So how do you know that he wont do that to you if you 2 got back 2gether?! I think you d be better off staying with the man your with!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2006): Hi, thank you for all your advice. I am meeting my ex tonight to talk more. I have asked my current bf where he sees us in the future and as he is a very laid back person he just replied with 'who knows what could happen - i dont want to worry about the future'. On the other hand I have my ex telling me he wants to spend a future with me and 'commit' to me for the rest of his life as he dont want to lose me again! I feel guilty meeting him behind my bf's back tonight but he is cooking me dinner and we are going to chat. We are looking forward to seeing eachother again (even though it was only last saturday we met) but im also concerned that it isnt going to help my decision and will only make things worse?!? When my bf and I have a laugh and get on at home (last night for example) I wonder why im even considering all this. My bf's 2 best friends are going travelling next week and he also has nowhere to go if we sell the house!! All this is going round in my head! Any more advice would be really appreciated! Thank you for reading. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2006): You have already answered your own question. You quoted "you don't want to let your boyfriend down". Work on your current relationship and let the past be just the past.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (31 May 2006):
 Okay, are you really prepared to throw away what you have now for someone that has already once said to you that he doesnt think there is a future for the two of you ? I know you said you have grown up since then, but what else has changed ? Whats to say that hes not going get cold feet in another year or so and say the same thing. The only reason you are doubting you current relationship is because all of a sudden the man that you first loved as shown some interest and relighted some old flames that were simmering. But remember he broke your heart and left you in bits before. There is probably not anything wrong in your relationship, but because your ex came back on the scene you are trying to look for ways in which your current relationship isnt working, trying to find a way that its gone wrong.. you say you cant see a future with your current bf, but you can with your ex, that probably becuase when you were first together you always thought you two would be together forever, but alot has changed since then you have found someone else, and you are just caught in the middle of a what if.. in truth and if you really look it your current relationship hasnt changed, its your ex thats come along and put a spanner in. Just because he realises now that hes made a mistake, doesnt mean that your realtionship now isnt right. Hes obviously not happy in the relationship hes in, but you were probably were until this ? You need to really think carefully, can you deal with being that hurt again ? or indeed hurt now if you leave your current bf ?
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (31 May 2006):
 There's alot of issues here but the first thing is YOU. How do you feel? During your time with your present partner, have you missed the past? Reminisced? Thought of your ex often? In waht way? What was so great?
If you are still really in love with your ex and not stuck in the past, then maybe you should be with him. You can't be happy staying with someone who you either don't love or just not as much as someone else you could be with. Don't stay because of a house. Or other people. It's your life. Know that your decision may hurt many people, but ultimately if it will make you happy and you feel it's right, maybe take that risk or you'll forever wonder 'what if'. That said, try to separate any past feelings with present ones and ask yourself if it's the fact that the man you loved so much wants you and has made you feell so important and special again that's making you consider it. If so, try to get that back with your partner, it doesn't always last that first flush of love. Beind desired can cloud anyone's judgement. Your ex may be going through a bad patch and trying to rekindle old feeling with you. 16-21 is a very different age & stage of life, there's nothing to say it will be anything like it was. It's a risk so weigh up your odds and work out what you really want. It could be that neither of these men are what you want but you've ended up here. Maybe time on your own is the way forward, away from both to work it all out for you.
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