A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 12 years has never given me oral sex. I give him BJs all the time. He's a missionary-position type of guy. I'm very clean and shower often, and have shaved everything, too, because he said he might like that. But he has a hang up about it for some reason. He's never done it (he's 35 years old) and says it makes him uncomfortable...he keeps saying that he'll do it someday but it never happens. I've told him that he just needs to try and I know I'll love it. He also won't have sex with me when I'm on my period b/c he says it feels different. He's also never given me an orgasm. He barely tries, even with his hand.I feel so undesirable. I think I'm attractive (I'm no supermodel, of course, but I'm not ugly) and know I take good care of myself with diet and exercise. I have started fantacizing about having an affair...I just want to feel wanted. It doesn't seem fair to me.
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female
reader, amelia291203  +, writes (8 September 2008):
hi, iv been married two years, and yes i know the world has this perception that we english have a very prim and proper, afternoon tea, dont mind if i do attitude towards sex. iv been married two years, my husbands great, but iv never had an orgasm with him, and like your guy, her refuses to go down on me, at all. he absolutly loves sex, he's mad about it, wants it on tap 24/7, always trying to get me into bed, which is great, but sex lasts about 3-4 minutes at the most, and its because he doesnt see sex as a two way thing, he gets so caught up in wanting sex, i think he forgets i have needs too, and after not having an orgasm the first 10 or so times, i had to start faking it, because he was getting down that he couldnt "satisfy me". i always thought sex wasnt important to me, and i can leave it or take it, but it does matter, evrything i read, or watch says i should show him what to do, show him what i like, beleive me iv tried so so sooooo hard, but he just doesnt get it, so slowly iv given up, and like you have thought about alternatives, iv even started to resent him a little, thinking " i do everything for you,cook, clean,wash cloths, constantly show u affection, and i feel like i get very little back" like all the time were having sex, its simply for him, dont get me rong, he thinks he gives me orgasms, and he thinks sex is a two way thing, but it certainly isnt.
i think a threesome is a bad idea, to be honest if you see him with another woman, or looking and touching another woman, and your already insecure it wil drive you crazy and you definatly wont like sex with him again, you'll lay there wondering if he's thinking about the other girl or if he'd rather be having another threesome. other people say experiment and explore with each other, but you wonder how can you with some one so sexually timid, and even if you did you wouldnt have the fainest idea were to start. and you cant tell the poor b***ard coz that will knock his confidence totally and the both of you wont enjoy sex.
there are a few sollutions, you could masturbate, but then theres the fact you feel giulty your hiding it from your husband, plus u really want your husband giving you the orgasm, so it an option but not the ideal sollution. I did however discover one idea, iv tried it for 3 weeks now, and its working, but it does require a little work, but its good. firstly you need to be slightly more flirty with him, dont be afraid of going up behind him while he's washing the dishes and kissing his shoulders and sticking your hands down his pants and putting the idea of sex in his head, i STRESS the idea of sex, make sure it doesnt turn into sex, tease him, make him think of all the naughty things he wants to do to you. but he doesnt know what naughty things id like?" i hear you asking, this is phase two, leave hints for him, me and my hubby share a laptop, so i go on the internet, and find articles with pictures of loads of forplay ideas, and choose the one i like best, prefrebly with a picture so it grabs thier eye, the i leave the laptop, on standby so when he swithces it on, it goes stright to the page i left for him, picture grabs his eye, he reads on, you've made him horney wham bam, he really wants sex, and has a idea of somthing new he could try. his confidence might be low, but being flirty and playful brings out a persons confidence, so the more you flirt, the more playful he will become, and the more he'll have the confidence to try what you left for him. dont just leave things on the p.c too tho, that'll get obvious what uyour doing, and you want him to think this sex and foreplay is his idea, so he feel confident, so leave diffrent clues, e.g. in magazies they have sex pages, you know, goo sex positions, etc, leave it on the coffee table and he'll read it, watch soft porn together, that'll give him some idea's. beleive me i totally empathise, im in your place too, but the last few weeks, we've had sex lots more, and allthough iv not have an orgasm evrytime we have sex/foreplay he's more confident, so am i, and im really starting to enjoy it again, not long before he perfects his technique and its all good.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 June 2007):
 Something to consider...how would you feel about having a threesome with a woman? She can give you the attention you need, and he might go for that. Also, if he sees how much you enjoy it from her, he might start to get a reality check and get busy with his duty.
Otherwise, let him know that you have never orgasmed and that you want oral and that if he is not up for it, you WILL get it elsewhere. If he is realistic with his hangups, be might be OK with it. If not, then an affair might be you other option...my guess is that he figures you would have already had one by now.
Was he sexually abused as a child, or from a culture that teaches that a man that goes down on a woman is consider low value? That could be more of a factor...but I doubt he could talk to you about it if he already has not.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (21 June 2007):
 You deserve to have an orgasm. You can not make him perform oral sex on you though any more then anybody should make you perform it on him. If he is just lazy and won't even bother to try in any other way, don't bring him to the point of ejaculation. Start to give him a BJ then quit after about a minute or two. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Trust me, a man with a hard on wants to finish the job. He won't know what to do with it. Tell him you want equal treatment. Try to be nice about it but in the end, make your point.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007): I feel for ya! You should give yourself an orgasm in front of your hubby, maybe even get him involved and show him how you like to be touched etc. As for the oral sex thing, I would be cutting that off until he learns to reciprocate (yes Im a mean biarch lol) in kind...Good luck :o)
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A
female
reader, neonpinkngooey +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Don't feel undesirable! Of course he wants you. I understand it sounds a little lazy on his part... but realize that after 12 years of marriage it can get a little tiring to keep trying different techniques without an orgasm from you. Ok so he likes missionary position, but maybe you can try being on top. Then you control what happens, you also can determine what makes you feel best, and then, voila! Anyway, i'm sure he would love it too. It may be different for him at first, but he will learn to appreciate not having to do all the work.
Also, please understand that him not going down on you/being unable to give you an orgasm means that he is not physically attracted to you. If this were the case he wouldn't have married you, nor would he be having sex with you. Maybe he is self-conscious that he may not make you happy, or do a good job. Let him know that you really want him to try. Let him understand that him not going down you you, would be like you not going down on him. I'm sure he doesn't want to go without BJs. And as for the fantasy about having an affair, I feel as if you have too much to discover about each other before you completely rule your husband out. Experiment. A lot. You may be surprised with what you find.
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