A
male
age
36-40,
*ustneedhelp22
writes:I have been with my partner for 6 1/2 years. Just a few days ago, we had been out drinking and met from friends out who had some of there friends with them. We then all came back to our house and had more drinks and etc. I went to bed because I was drunk and sleepy. My partner stayed up and kept the guests company. A few hours later my partner gets in bed with me, but brings one of our guests to bed with us, because he said he was cold. Then bascially we started to have a three way, in the middle of it my partner changes his mind. But, I keep fooling around with the other guy. We only kissed and oral sex. But, now my partner says he doesn't want to me with me anymore. Because I didn't stop when he did. He says he can't trust me anymore. We have been going through a hard time, just getting along etc. So, this seems like a "final straw" we have in the past both been awful to each other. But, have always worked through our problems. I love him, he is my life. My question is... Is there any advice someone can give me, how we can work on this? Anyone been is a similar situation? Do you think a relationship can recover from this situation?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): He took another man into your bed without your knowledge while you were asleep. If anyone did something wrong I'd say it was him. I can see he why he would have wanted you to have stopped when he did, but he really only has himself to blame.
A
female
reader, Jen20619  +, writes (28 October 2007):
Hes a hypocrite.What a joke he invites him up for the threeway then blames it on you for not stopping cause he chickened out.I dont agree with him bringing the guy up in the first place it was very inconsiderate of him without confronting u about this first.I dont think he sounds like a descent guy.Your choice.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (28 October 2007):
 hi.
I have read your letter a couple of times and find there is something i do not understand, maybe after you have read my reply, you can write back and let me now what you think.
you went to bed early than your BF, then he turns up in the bed with another guy, and said it was cold, so he brings a guy to bed with him, why not a woman, that would have been my choice.
it appears that either you new he was going to bring a guy up with him, or he has set you up to see how far you would go, if it was a test of loyalty, it seems a strange way to behave, or maybe he liked the guy himself thats why he is so up set with you.
I believe that your relationship with this guy is over, and if he set you up then you should think so too, it is not worth trying to get back to him because he has made his mind up to end your relationship, maybe it is time you found some one else, who will not play mind games with you.
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A
female
reader, gmapeaches  +, writes (28 October 2007):
 Wow.. that would be the reason why three-somes are hardly ever a good idea..I wish i had some magic words.. a time machine maybe.. here is what i think.. this last event.. not your biggest problem.. almost like the headache you get because you have a brain tumor.. no what i mean? the fact that this third person was brought into bed with you is a problem.. the fact that you didn't stop.. a problem.. here is the question i have for you.. do you think if you and your partner had a relationship that was what it should be that first you would have been put in that position at all, second that if you were really serious about this person you would have participated.. I have been an unfaithful partner in the past.. my current boyfreind.. whom i love dearly.. would not put me in that position but if he did i would not even think about it.. do you know what i mean.. the question is what are you trying to save. a relationship where there is little if any mutual respect... you deserve better and so does your partner.. now that is just a glance in your direction opinion and i realize i could be way off base.. but it sounds to me like you are talking about saving a ship that has already sunk... i wish you the best in coping with whatever the outcome is..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): Your guy is 100% responsible for what happened! I am not saying you bear no responsibility for the "act", I am saying that it's his fault and his fault alone that he decided to do something that HE now feels bad about. Don't let him shift the blame to you. Here he thought he was a swinger and now can't take the sight of you with another man. He played and he lost.
You have to think long and hard about whether you want to continue with a man that would bait you like this. No doubt you feel pretty badly about this whole thing. Can you really trust him now?
As for the book "Men are from Mars", it's good because it teaches men how to understand female communication. On the other hand, it does NOT teach men how to be masculine, confident men. It has the effect of producing a male-girlfriend out of the man. So the woman now has a new best friend, but then she wonders why she no longer feels hot for her new "understanding" man.
The Joseph W. South Show
http://joseph.libsyn.com
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