A
female
age
51-59,
*ovember
writes:I have been dating a guy for 3 years...my kids love him, my parents love him but really I am not attracted to him...someone from my past has come back into my life and has swept me off my feet....I had doubts about my feelings for my boyfriend before this so I know he isn't the reason....What do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I like the answer below. Surely you were "attracted" to your boyfriend of 3 years in the beginning at the very least....something is not working in your relationship and it could very well be you. You may have some underlying anger at him, you resent him for some reason and this is killing your attraction, you need to figure out why that is and let it go. Resentment is really about you, not the other person....you are holding a grudge against him for some imagined or unimagined misdeed....try to understand your partner is not perfect, he has his own set of issues and baggage and short comings and he is doing the best he can with what he has to work with....sometimes honest and open communication is all it takes to get things back on track, and you need to work on forgiveness, that is what rids you of resentment. This is very common in a long term relationship when fights happen and don't truly get resolved...it is all about compromise and making an effort to put the changes needed into practice, not just give them lip service.
Good luck, and seek the help of a counselor if you need to. Getting swept off your feet is just your brain chemicals taking over your brain due to lust and projection onto another person what you hope they will be....it may or may not be real, and are you willing to risk and established relationship for something that may be a flash in the pan? Think about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I think you need to sort out your present relationship before you jump into another one. we all think that the grass is greener on the other side, jump the fence and you will land in another even larger pile of poo!! Sorry, but i think you need to sit down with your 3 year bloke and sort things out between you. Never leave this bloke because of the old flame, it will never work. Beside our memories have a strange way of playing tricks on us and we always get things jumbled up. We pick out either the worst or best and keep it in our head. It actually is never quite that way.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I once married a guy that I wasn't all that attracted to, but I was only 19 years old. If you don't think you are attracted to your b/f why did you start going out with him to begin with? And why have you managed to last 3 years if there was no attraction?....You're old enough to know the difference between love and the "comfort zone" trap younger women fall into. I think you are simply being swayed by the 'grass is greener' theory. But if you really feel you have a chance with this former man, then you owe it to your b/f to be honest, and break things off before you go chasing after the next one. You also need to be prepared for the possibility that the 'next one' won't turn out to be what you thought it would, and you'll have to spend some time alone. If you're okay with this, then it would be better not to continue pretending you're in love with someone when you're not. It only hurts more later. Good luck.
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