A
male
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*anoffee
writes:I have been such an idiot. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend of five years because I was basically not taking responsibility for my experience of life - work, family, friends, my own feelings, you name it really. I loved her and I am still in love with her and she loved me very much. Now she has been in a relationship with someone else for just over two months.A few weeks ago we agreed to break off contact with one another for a while. We are still friends on Facebook and I noticed that she recently added some of my favourite songs to her favourites list, including some that were very special to us. In a moment of weakness I checked the discussion board she posts on today and she has told the other posters how utterly in love she is, that the new guy is amazing, he tells her he loves her, can't wait to see her, that she needn't change the way she looks as she's pretty already, that she has never felt so relaxed and happy with anyone and that she is thinking of marriage.Perhaps it's best all round for me to accept reality, but I am also aware that we constantly create reality! I would like to meet up with her for a coffee as there are things I never told her and I wish to do so now, things I really appreciated about her when we were together.Is this likely to make me feel better, more at peace? I think I would feel better if I could resolve the conflict between us. How do you think she is likely to react?
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I think it would be much more romantic to pour your heart out in a letter and tell her what is on your mind. At the end of the letter, you could simply wish her well with her new love and say good-bye. Or you could tell you to call you once she's read the letter if she wants to talk to you about the possibility of reconciling your relationship. Then the ball is in her court and you will have to see what happens. Who knows, she might be so impressed at your attempt at romance, and the re-viving of your relationship she may call you and say she feels the same way. But if she hasn't contacted you in a day or two, that will have to suffice as your "closure" on this relationship. Remove her from your facebook, and don't check hers anymore (thus you may be disappointed as she continues to rave about her new man). It will indeed be time to move on at that point, but at least you will have gotten the chance to say those things you hadn't before. And in the future, don't take the people you love for granted. Men are the worst about doing this. If you are with a woman you love, tell her she's beautiful, and appreciate her when she does things for you that are kind and also unexpected. The same applies to your other relationships, like with your siblings, and your parents. You don't have to be sappy, just respectful and kind, and don't take them for granted or act like an ass next time and you'll be alot better off in the long run. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I think that what you need here is closure. You made a decision before to brake up with her and even though you might feel now that you wish you hadn't, it doesn't mean that your decision wasn't right back then. If you had carried on then, you might have felt miserable today anyway due to the unresolved issues you mention in your question.
I think that if you feel that there are lots of things you want to tell her and never did, then go ahead. It could be a closure you need to finally being able to accept what has happened and move on. But prepare yourself that she might not respond the way you hope for.
Take care of your heart! Wish you luck!
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A
female
reader, iagirl  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 It seems to me that you only wanted to tell her these things once you learned about the new guy and how in love she is. It's hard to see an ex move on, especially one that you were with for five years. But you can't live in the past...even if you regret your decision, you can't go back.
If you want to talk to her, make sure you are talking to her because YOU want to, not because you think it will win her back. If you think it will make you feel relieved, then by all means go for it. Just don't expect that she will be willing to dump the new guy for you. In all likelihood, that won't happen.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Such a difficult situation.
Look, bottom line, if she really did love you, she would also understand that you need some closure. You need to have your mind clear though. You cannot go to see her because you are trying to win back her love. Your intentions need to be clear, and that is - that you want to say the thing that you never said when you were together. You want to 'clear' the air? Am i right?
Either way - regardless of her reaction, you should do what you intend. Clear with her, and then ACCEPT whatever her reaction might be, because in that moment - it is exactly what will be happening, and you might as well accept it. Speak your mind, and don't ask too many questions. That way, you will be clear.
Good luck - you can do it...
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