A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I hope some of you will be able to help. This is probably going to be long but I need advice real bad. I don't know what else to do!OKay, so my partner has difficulty ejaculating for some reason. But the sex is good, at least I think so, so it wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't for the fact that we're actually trying to conceive!We've been together for almost 3 years, having sex for about 2 and a half of those, and I think in all that time he's only ever ejaculated like 10 times or something. If that!At first I thought it might be to do with his alcohol intake, actually sometimes I still do. He has 1-2 pints after work (5 days a week) and 1-2 cans at home, sometimes 3 on a weekend. I have confronted him about this and he did cut down. But IMO, I think to be drinking anything more than 2 pints daily is a bit much.He used to be able to ejaculate most when we did it pretty much right after work. But I was on birth control then so if he didn't ejaculate, it didn't bother me all that much. I came off the birth control last May (ish) because we worked out that we could actually afford a baby and we were both ready. But I think it's going to be pretty much impossible to get pregnant when he can't ejaculate!I have talked to him about this, too and he says it's not a problem, he's just tired and other excuses. I've tried allsorts. All kinds of positions, talking dirty, staying completely quiet, holding off on my own orgasm in hopes that he might first. Telling him to be "selfish", by that I mean letting him choose the position, pace etc. I've even told him to think of someone else if it's going to help!I'm just so frustrated. I want a baby more than anything. I've never been more ready and it hurts to see someone with a baby and knowing that if this continues, I might never hae that feeling. Or at least if I stay in this relationship. No I'm not saying I'm going to end it. That would be horrible. But I've considered a sperm donor loads of times. I know that there's always adoption if we can't conceive but I just want to experience pregnancy and child birth.Please help! What else can I do??P.S. I know I used the word "ejaculate" alot, but I didn't know if it would be appropriate or offensive if I used the other word!Thanks in advance.
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male
reader, retrosolution  +, writes (8 December 2009):
I like to offer a suggestion, after experiencing issues with retrograde ejaculation for a number of years, I finally
resolved my problem. I did a combination of herbal supplement, Zinc, Multivitamins, L-arginine, Lecithin, Pycnogenol, Catuaba, CoQ-10,
Celery, VIM-25(for good erection, the best. Make sure the powder in the capsule is brown and not white.), PC muscle training, and nearly a gallon or more of water. Surprisingly, hydration is important, so drink lots of water. Most important, know that drinking water, will send you to the restroom a lot, but make sure you empty your bladder, before you have intercourse. This way you will know that you are not urinating instead of ejaculating. I did this and my ejaculation was intense. Also have your wife work on her PC muscles, they enhance the milking
sensation that your penis will fill. Anyway, BOOM!, I ejaculated, the intensity was so strong, it blew me away, I thought I urinated, because the force was so strong. It felt strange after not ejaculating for a long time. That why, I suggest urinate first, because the body can't do both.
- best
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Oh, I didnt mean teenagers having a baby and being able to afford it, I dont think you are too young, in fact I was 20 when I had my 1st. I meant the couple adopting. The mom wanted it so badly and the father went along with it, but had deep seeded issues with it that he wasnt expressing to his wife because he didnt want her to be unhappy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeh thanks, I've seen Juno but we're not two teenagers that wouldn't know how to raise a baby or be able to provide for it.
I never said he was constantly drunk, I was just wondering if his alcohol intake might be preventing him from ejaculating.
I appreciate what you said though, I know these(^^) probably don't make it sound that way but I just can't think of any other way to phrase them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): I agree with Kimaxsi on this one. I wasnt married when I had my 2 kids. I got married after the 2nd one. Although it seems traditionally correct. When you have kids, you want to provide them with the very best (and expensive) of everything. That includes the love and care of their father. He won't be able to provide that love if he is constantly drunk- I know from experience. This reminds me of the movie, Juno. If you havnt seen it I suggest you do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice so far. I guess I should have mentioned that I am 21 and he is 27. It was a joint decision for me to come off of the birth control when we knew the time was right.
As for getting married, I know that that should probably come first but IMO, it's not so important to be married before having children anymore.
Also I know that having a baby at this age would not affect our life because my mum and dad have said many times that if I get pregnant and have a baby now and want to go back to college, have a night out or anything else, that they would gladly help out in anyway.
My partner and I also agreed that if it did happen anytime soon that I would either stop working for a while or just work part time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): There is a lot about your problem thet has caught my attention. First if your sweetie isnt ejaculating, it should bother you, whether you want a baby or not. I would wonder why my sweetie needs to drink so exsesively, and what kind or father would that make him when you do concieve. How does he feel about having a baby? Perhaps he isnt quite ready? I am 25 with 2 kids raising them pretty much on my own, and I'm gonna tell you, it was never intended for just 1 person to raise kids. It really does take 2, and the only people suffering from it is the kids. Maybe a good discussion with him about how he feels about getting pregnant would help shed some light on your issue. If he isnt ejaculating, your first problem solving should start there. Good luck!
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (9 May 2008):
 Does he do it all right if you... I can't think of a polite way of putting it... if you give him a handjob?
The answer to that will tell you if it's a medical problem.
If it's not a medical problem, then you need to be a little more inventive - and yes, cutting down on the drinking will probably help but I don't suppose it's the only answer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Have you thought about how your boyfriend REALLY feels about having a baby this young? Maybe thats why he's having problems ejaculating.
You are both so young and have so much ahead of you before you have a child. I kno you said you are ready - but is your boyf? Maybe things aren't going well in work for him and he's afraid that he won't be able to afford the baby?
Talk to him - sit him down and ask him how he really feels and whats goin on his head!!!
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female
reader, ilikenight +, writes (9 May 2008):
 OK first of all, has he been to a doctor to sort this out? I doubt that anybody on Dear Cupid can tell you exactly why your "partner" can't ejaculate, so him seeing a doctor is the best idea. On another note, if you're really ready for a baby together, why not get married first? It makes sense to me. Having a baby with someone is a bigger commitment than marriage. And on a second note, 2 pints a day..is that hard liquor or beer you're talking about? If he's drinking 2 pints of hard liquor a day then he's an alcoholic, and you really shouldn't be trying to have a baby with an alcoholic father. I think he needs to stop drinking for a while (all together) and see if that could be the problem. For me personally, when I have had sex with my husband when he was drunk, ejaculating wasn't a problem. But then again, he rarely drinks.
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