| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: Hello, I'm lost and need assistance.My girlfriend and I split 4 weeks ago. She is Australian 23 years old, I am Scottish 24 years old. We were together for 1 year and a half. We are still very much in love, we talked about marriage and babies together. She is my soul mate. I am heart broken just now that we are not together. We split because she is thinking of home, and wanting to go back, so thought it best she moved out my flat, so we can gradually break up. But we are both fnding it extremely hard to be apart. It's really hard. If we are to be together, I am going to have to give up my life in Scotland for her, which I am prepared to at least try - but she is worried it won't work out, and does not want to cause any further heartache - as it will be a lot harder to split if I move over there, giving everything up here.For me, the bottom line is that I want to be with her, I want to marry her, but I too am very scared of it not working. We have never argued, and our relationship has been perfect up until this.If anyone has any views/comments please, I'd like to hear them.plleeeeaasee ! thanks
View related questions:
moved out, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (31 July 2006):
 Good thought from Anon2907, below!
It strikes me that the way you're breaking up is like pulling the plaster off slowly, instead of quickly. It's dragging out the pain, since clearly you still love each other and don't ~want~ to break up. You just think you "should" separate because the alternative seems too hard.
But the alternative isn't too hard.
Speaking as an immigrant to Australia (my story: USA-born, Aussie hol in 1987, met an Aussie man, fell in love, been here ever since), the immigration laws, especially for UK residents, are pretty liberal, the environment and climate couldn't be better, employment's pretty good, lifestyle's laid back.
So with all that, and email, IM, webcams, Skype and live streaming, you'll barely even notice that you've moved across the globe.
Try out living in Australia for six months, or a year. You can treat it as a 'gap year', rather than a permanent move, and see how you go. You don't have to "give up everything", but rather, you can put things in Scotland on hold for a while, see what happens. Maybe you'll like it. Maybe you'll hate it. Maybe your girlfriend will decide that Australia's not quite as glorious as she remembered. Who knows?
The point is, you and she seem to have defaulted to breaking up, without trying either alternative for very long, and you're both in pain.
If you hate Australia after you've tried it, and if there's no way that she's ever going to be able to stay in Scotland... *then* you start considering breaking up. But I think breaking up and causing yourselves long, slow heartache, so that you can "prevent (possible) heartache" is counterintuitive.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anon2907 +, writes (31 July 2006):
 Hey,
This seems like you're deliberately making things hard for yourself!
What's stopping you going with her to Oz for a while? It doesn't have to be forever, just see how it goes. Did you know that you can get a working holiday visa which lasts a year and lets you work for periods of time - that way you could go over on a trial basis. (www.immi.gov.au) What do you have to lose - a year'll fly by but you'll soon know if you're meant to be together.
Or if she's homesick, then could she go home for a holiday and then come back?
If you want to be together - sit down and work out a plan - it doesn't have to be a break up. Sieze the opportunity!!
Good luck
Anon2907
...............................
|
