A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,Im going to university next month and my boyfriend and I are splitting up. trouble is I don't want to. We're basically splitting up because he feels as though i'll regret having a boyfriend at uni and he's a lot older than me so he's already been through it.My problem isn't that we're splitting up ... i know that's going to happen and i've tried to chane his mind. My problem is that im becoming increasingly depressed about it ... the clock is ticking and all I want to do is enjoy the time we have left together but whenever I think about it I go into a mood and it's affecting the relationship. Another worry is that he'll find someone else while i'm away ... we've said we'll get back together after uni if we both feel the same but he's an amazing person and I know plenty of girls who are interested in him. This is also affecting the relationship because i feel as though he's already interested in some of the girls he knows and i think that as soon as he's single their going to try it on with him.please help ... im nearing the end of my tether x
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so so much ... it has helped put things a little more into perspective hearing from outsiders to the situation. Thanks especially to the guy readers as your answers have helped me see this from a guys perspective x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so so much ... it has helped put things a little more into perspective hearing from outsiders to the situation. Thanks especially to the guy readers as your answers have helped me see this from a guys perspective x
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 August 2010):
 I hate to say it, but he's right. I can't tell you how many relationships I've seen destroyed by bad decisions made during people's freshman year in college. Almost everyone has a BF or GF back home, but that doesn't stop them from hooking up most of the time.
If your relationship is meant to be, it is meant to be, and it will happen. I think you should focus on school and everything that goes with it. I can guarantee you will understand his move here after you finish your first year. I was in a similar situation with a girl. She was a year older and learned that our LDR just wouldn't work after her first year. I couldn't see why until after mine. You will mature a lot in the next year. If you still feel strongly for him after that, then maybe bring up getting back together. Otherwise, I truely believe you'll understand in time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Personally, I think he wants to set you free for his own benefit, otherwise you would be entering the long distance relationship scenario quite naturally. I expect once you've gone he'll be sowing his oats, whilst keeping you on the back burner for the future.
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): He's older so he knows what's going to happen to be honest. I had the same situation as you except I was the older guy.
As DrPsych alluded to you are at the very beginning of huge change in your life. People say that your childhood or teenage years are your formative years of life. Well 18-22+ are the formative years of your adulthood. You are not yet the adult you are going to be yet. He knows this, he knows you have a lot more growing to do and you'll be doing that growing away from him. You'll be experiencing new people and new things, plus seeing as it's college you'll be getting involved in parties, meeting other guys and getting into situations with them. He's giving you the freedom to enjoy those situations, he doesn't want to hold you back, because frankly they are a lot of fun and being in a relationship with him during this time would be restricting for you in the least and could get very complicated and messy, seeing as it would only take one drunken kiss in the 100's of parties you're going to go to, to destroy your relationship.
Personally I think the split is more about protection for him. DRPsych said the power of the relationship is with him. It's not, the power of the relationship is with your youth, he's trying to gain a bit of control over the situation but the fact remains, even if you were to stay together while you were in college, it's more than likely you'll just drift apart and you'll grow out of the relationship.
You might think now, that you're fully sure you won't and that you love him. But a few months down the line you'll realize how different your lives have become. I've seen this time and time again, and it's more than likely so has he.
Don't worry about girls coming on to him or him going off with other girls, if he really does love you it will take a long time before anything like that happens, if it even does happen. Enjoy the now, enjoy the time you have left together and start focusing on preparing for college.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): And you are the one in control, not him. The only one here who is the BOSS is you! Don't you see that ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Sounds like he truely loves you, and there is no other. Yet he thinks you will be furious beyond all belief, if he "hangs" on to you, and don't let you to have freedom, to pick from all the other guys that are there at the college. He knows that you are the one, the only one, the only one that can make his life so rich, he is afraid that if he doesn't give you space, that you will turn against him. Do you really think he is interested in this ladies who are among the sexiest on the planet? Yeah he is interested, to find out what they are like, so he can compare them to you when you all are together. He knows that there is none like you, so, he has to find the good qualities in all the other ladies, without crossing the line to cheating or a relationship. He is trying his best to hide also that he is SO interested, ok totally interested, ok totally wants you to marry him, and share your lives together. Can't you see you have him hook, line and sinker now. I mean the hook is in there BAD. K ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): I'm moving to university. My boyfriend is older than me too but he is offering to move down to the town where my uni is. To me it sounds like this guy isn't committed to you at all, end it and enjoy the single life at uni!
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reader, DrPsych  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 You maybe very upset about this right not but you are on the verge of a big change in your life. In University you will potentially meet new friends and possibly new relationships. I don't think the main problem for your boyfriend would be the simple fact of you going off to college. Distance relationships can work if you are both committed. When a man is that committed, he would tunnel his way to mars and back to be with you. He might be offering to move to the place where your University course is located, or make arrangements to visit you often at the very least. It seems like he is using that as an excuse to end the relationship. But he is also saying perhaps we can get back together at a later time. What he really means is lets date in the future if no-one else comes along who catches my attention. I think you have to understand that up until now all the power of the relationship seems to be with him. He is saying what will happen and when. You seem sad about that, but I rather think you should be a little angry about being treated so casually. If he isn't willing to continue dating you then it just wasn't going to survive long-term anyway. I wouldn't hold out on getting back together in a couple of years time. Basically University will change you and hopefully make you more confident about your relationships with men. At graduation you will look back on your pre-university days with a different perspective to what you have right now. I think you should focus on looking forward to the future and just accept that you are moving onto a new phase in your life.
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reader, Black diamond20 +, writes (12 August 2010):
hi you are going to further your education he should be proud he has someone wanting to become someone in life you ever heard of reverse pshycology thats whats hes using if its that easy for him to let you go then he already have someone lined up do u really feel that you should depressed yourself about somebody who might mess up anyway get him to visit you and talk to you everyday and when he becomes distance you will already know whats happening true love never fades ..ps have a great time @ school .tell me how the relationship is going.
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