A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused about my feelings for some guy. I mean, I like him....I really do but there's this part of me that doesn't want to be with him and doesn't want to feel these feelings for him. We're in a break because he needed time to rethink his feelings for me. I pray at night and ask god for him to make a choice...I told him that I'm not gonna wait. So, that's what I'm doing...I'm just letting things happen. I'm lettings things go at their own course.we still hang out and even flirt. I know he doesn't have the same strength of feelings for me as I do to him...I dont want much from him...I just want a freakin' chance. I'm taking every risk possible for him and...I don't know how else to do things with him...I'm not hurting I'm just....whatever. You know what I mean? I texted him because I needed to get something out of my chest....it went like this, "I can't stop thinking about you...look, I'm not asking for your sympathy...I just need to get this off my chest because I don't want to regret anything. I think about it now and the funny thing is that I'm not hurting. I'm just neutral. I'm not feeling sad...I'm just okay. You told me not to wait because I was getting hurt...and I'm not waiting, just like you told me to. I guess you can say i'm going at my own pace. Whatever happens happens. I'm happy being friends...just at times when I'm around you I guess I miss your hugs and kisses and I seem unhappy but I'm not...I'm okay. I didn't want to rush an answer from you...its just (name) wanted to rush you because I WAS hurting then and she didn't want to see that anymore. I know you don't want me...but for some reason I'm okay with that. I take back everything I said...I don't feel sorry for anything I did because that's how I felt and why should I point the finger at myself for something that I had no control of. Can I have hope? Can I continue the way I am?" he hasn't answered. And he always answers me...he always says things like "I'm sorry" and "I wish I could make everything better" but why didn't he answer now? Ugh, I just don't know what to do anymore....I'm confused. He's confused...its just a big ol' pile of confusing crap! What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): Sorry, but I'm in agreement with AskEve here. You say you're neutral and letting things go at their own course. You say you are over him but you don't want much, you just want a chance (at the relationship). You say you are not hurting and are okay, but you sometimes miss his hugs and kisses.
NO WONDER he didn't respond! You contradicted yourself all over the place! If you are in fact okay with this, well, you could have fooled me is all I can say. And if "I" get that impression, how do you think HE read it?
Tygers Dream suggested you just end it, instead of waiting for him to decide how he feels. She's right. Why should you be dependent on what he feels and thinks?
A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (12 March 2007):
 I'm pretty confused too... If I got the gist of the text message correct, you DON'T feel as sad as you should over your breakup, you feel relieved, you're over him and you're not sorry.
Okay, if I got it right, You're tired of loving a guy who doesn't love you as much. It's funny, but I didn't really understand your situation until you wrote down his apologetic texts - "I'm sorry." and "I wish I could make it better." - because it reminds me of MY past relationship. My FIRST relationship - the guy didn't love me as much as I loved him either and he used to say "I wish I could make it better" all the time when we had arguments. I still have some of his notes to me that he wrote in my exercise books!
When a person says "I wish I could make it better." it usually means that they cannot love you as much as you deserve. They'd like to, but they can't. There's no remedy for it, even if you give them the decision, pull all the stops to make it happen... It just won't work. You're torturing yourself just WANTING that extra chance.
Instead of giving HIM the decision, why don't YOU make yours? It's not healthy to let others decide your future - it means you don't have any control over yours, and you also let that person take the responsibility or the blame for their decision.
Just end it. Don't you find it a bit hurtful or insulting that you have to wait for him to think about whether he loves you or not? It's like asking your boyfriend, "Am I pretty?" and he has to stop and think of an appropriate answer!
Don't prolong the agony, since you're 'neutral' or part of you doesn't want to be with him anyway, end the relationship. Perhaps you're just in love with the romance and the comfort of a relationship more than the guy himself.
He probably didn't text you back because your message is quite confusing, or he just doesn't know what to make of your msg - Does she want me, or doesn't she? To be pessimistic, I think he didn't txt you back because he's slowly withdrawing away from you. Sometimes when somebody is faced with reminders of a certain problem on a frequent basis - they don't care about solving the problem anymore, they just want to end it or forget that it's there.
Don't txt him any more, or try to get things off your chest. If you want to get things off your chest, write them down in a diary. Getting things off your chest means that you're passing the burden onto somebody else, and that's not fair on the other person.
Finally, YES, I think you should end it. Bachelorhood isn't such a horror, and at least there's only YOU making the decisions, right?
Take care, and hope all goes well with you.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (12 March 2007):
 Firstly, you contradicted yourself. You said you're letting things go at their own pace but haven't. You text him and boy what a text! That text is enough to make any guy run 100 miles in the opposite direction! No wonder he didn't text you back. BIG MISTAKE!!!!
The only thing you can do is text him back and say this "Sorry for the heavy text, I had a few drinks and got a bit emotional, ignore it! Have a good life." LEAVE IT AT THAT. No more texts, no more calling NOTHING! Lie low for a while and DON'T flirt with him any more. Let the guy chase you! You've scared the hell out of him texting what you did so keep your space from him and let him come to you if he so chooses.
If you don't hear from him again then you need to respect the fact that he doesn't want to be with you and move on. If you contact him again (apart from saying what I suggested) then you're your own worst enemy!
Eve
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