A
male
age
,
*ustquestions
writes:I just wonder what is really going on here. My girfriend and I have been living together for a year and a half now. We are both in our mid - late 40's. I have been divorced around 7 years and she has been separated (not yet divorced) for almost 3 years. She has no interest in ever going back to her busband as he cheated on her many times and lost all their money. She was the one to hold the family together (she has two daughters) but eventually got fed up. She and I dated in high school some, but I joined the Navy. When I got out, I found out that she was separted from him and I got in touch with her. She asked me to move in very quickly after just a couple of dates. Remember that we knew each other a long time ago too though.I have asked her to finish her divorce and marry me, but she has said that she doesn't know if she ever wants to marry me or even get married again. She says the only reason she hasn't filed for divorce is financial but they have no assets together and it wouldn't cost much at all. Her ex-husband moved in with someone else after only around 8 months of seperation from her and they only now are starting to be a little civil to each other, so I don't think she ever wants to get back with her ex.However, after I moved in with her, I found out that she had already made good friends with another guy. She is currently going through community college and he is an instructor there. I only went through high school and am now a truck driver. They talk and text each other often. He had a troubled marriage and separated from his wife around 6 months ago. I told her originally that he seemed interested in more than just friendship with her, but she just denied it. Now she doesn't seem to deny it any more. He still helps her with her schoolwork and has even been to the house to help her when I'm out of town. They talk and text often. Her daughters or others are always around though when he is here so I know they are never alone but I still don't like it. My question is, do you think she will ever marry me or should I just move out and move on? Is she just waiting to find out for sure whether this other guy actually divorces before she marries me? She says she loves me, but sometimes I wonder. I can't decide what is really going on here.
View related questions:
divorce, her ex, money, move on, moved in, navy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissSoul777 +, writes (16 January 2011):
Yeah i think that it's very possible that you could be temporary. but you have to keep in mind that women are very indecisive creatures, she could change her mind at any time,he could just be a friend or he very well could be your replacement. either way i still say the best thing to do is just talk to her.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 January 2011):
The fact that she hasn't divorced her husband in 3 years is enough for me to agree with the post below by Advice Man.
I think you're convenient to her, and nothing more. Best to move on and find a woman who loves you.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissSoul777 +, writes (16 January 2011):
I agree with "Advice Man" you moved way to fast on asking her to marry you. and there could actually be a few diferent things that could be happening here. first off she just got out of a long relationship that didnt work out, this means 3 things; A) she's gonna be sketchy about anything you do that even remotely makes her feel uncomfortable, B) she's been living with a man in her life for so long that it's second nature to her, so of course she would probably move in with the next nice guy she meets just to have someone there regardless if she actually wants to presue a serious relationship with them, and C) She's re-entering the world of not being maried, its new, its exciting, she'll want to breathe and injoy it for a while before even thinking about going back to marrage. plus i'm sure she'll want to give it some extra time to make sure she's not making another mistake, if and when she settles down and wants to possibly presure a relationship with you she's gonna want to take it slow and make sure that your right for her, this also means she may have some strange rules she's decided to go by such as she wants to date you and be living with you for a certain amount of time before she'll consider even the thought of marrage. in any case, the absolute best thing to do is to sit down and have an honest conversation about it with her and try to make the least bit stressful or emotional and be as understand and as accepting as you can, if you do that then she'll remember it and think of you fondly in the times ahead. best of luck, hope i helped a little. (:
...............................
A
male
reader, justquestions +, writes (16 January 2011):
justquestions is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response. I hope to hear from others as well. I'm especially interested in women's view. Just to clarify something though, I moved in with her. When she left her ex-husband she and her daughters rented a house. They lived there alone for over a year and I moved in with them. I help with the expenses, but the house/furniture etc. is hers. Also, she and her "friend" as she calls him do not go off on dates (I think). She says she loves me and that she thinks of him as a friend. I know he thinks of her as more than that though and I know they still meet at school and the gym at least (and to help on her homework) Am I just temporary?
...............................
A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (16 January 2011):
 I think it's very obvious what is going on.Sorry to say this friend but this girl has absolutely no interest in you romantically. You are just convenient to her. You are nice, you offered her free accommodation when she had no where to go, and obviously you like and care for her a lot since you want to marry her and this is a good confident boost to her and she really needs thats. On the other hand you made your bad moves too! You don't ask a woman to marry you at a time when she is so emotionally broken down and confused, even if you had a relationship in the past. You moved too, too fast! Will she ever marry you? Only God know this. The question is how much you are willing to put up with until she gets into that point where she might start seeing you romanticaly. Are you willing to be a loyal, kind, quiet "puppy dog", watching her texting and going to dates with other men, hopping that one day she will start liking you? I think not. Best wishes to do the right thing.
...............................
|
