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female
,
*oyous7
writes: I have had an affair with my married boss (now, former boss) for 7 years. He told me daily how very much he loved me and that no one had ever made him feel the way I did. 2 1/2 months ago he lied to me. He told me he was going to be playing golf with friends. Turns out, he met yet another woman (old girlfriend who is now married)who he had not seen for 25 years for a secret rendezvous in another state!! Very long story, but I found out, and I am devastated!! I am 55 years old!! I am very deeply in love with him and need help. I have ended the affair, but my heart is aching so badly. I need advice from other women as to how to get over this and go on with my life. Any help would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): Well they say what goes around comes around and it obviously has for you... you should have known, after all, his greatest credentials are, he lies to women and cheats...
What a waste of your years, pity the wife who has wasted a lifetime. The only good thing is you can make a difference to your life now. he's a louse and trouble will come around for him too eventually, someone will spoil his day and his world will fall apart. Move on, let him find another soul/hole mate to prop up his marriage. You will heal in time. the pain will be easier to bear in time. For now, put one foot in front of the other and just get through each day. These replies are from people who do care but we find it shabby to offer advice to someone who has helped damage another womans' heart and you have. Never let this happen to you again.
A
female
reader, immuno +, writes (4 August 2006):
 I do not condone cheating on any level but I can have compassion for anyone who is hurting. We all make mistakes and I don’t think anyone ever goes into an adulterous affair intentionally. I am a very insecure person myself and I know that I would not be able to handle my husband having any kind of an affair. I have always said I would never do it and I hope that I wont. There are many things I have said I would never do and you know what, I did them. Life throws all of us curves and we really don’t know where we will be in 10 years. I realize that this woman was in the wrong for ever having this affair but it seems like the punishment has fit the crime. She has wasted 7 years of her life on this ***hole. I don’t know what this guys marriage is like but I would think the wife has to know something isn’t right. Without knowing the background on their marriage I cannot say there aren’t any reasons why this particular affair happened, maybe the wife has been cheating herself, it does happen. I can only give my support to the one that asked for it.
Oops just fell off my soapbox……….. :)
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A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Two typos that need correcting:
HUSBANDS should not be plural I apologise! I do hope it was not more than 1 husband anyway!! (sertious, I am not making a mockery here)
AND
notm well that certainly isn't in the English dictionary!! Not is the word I wanted. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (4 August 2006):
Is this question for real? You were seeing a married man,(married meaning he HAD A WIFE) the lying scum is now playing the game on you, and you want advice on how to deal with being cheated on. Did you ever consider his WIFE? Of course notm you were too busy being intimate with another womans HUSBANDS Sorry my dear friend but you deserve what you get, you played and now you are getting played, ever heard of Karma, well my dear as a Christian I don’t directly believe in Karma but the principle applies, what goes around comes RIGHT around and you have got a taste of your own medicine. What can I say, be honest and good will follow you, be deceitful and cheat and the Karma will come and get you, ever heard the song by Radio Head, "Karma Police", listen to it. xxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Hang on...you are having an affair with a married man and you are surprised that he has cheated on you with someone else? It is a sorry tale but when a man cheats on his wife with another woman, then it is hardly shocking that he wanders elsewhere too and cheats on the mistress too. I am sure this must be embarrassing and horrible. However, the person I really feel sorry for has to be his wife - he has cheated with you, this other woman and god knows who else. I realise that you are feeling bad at the moment but you should be thankful that you found out now - you wasted 7 years on a man who belongs to someone else. You could have wasted more time...find someone single and normal who treats you nice and don't sell yourself short by settling for an affair with someone else's husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): did it not bother you at all that this man stayed with his wife rather than divorce her to be with you, even after seven years? that would drive me nuts because he gets to have his cake and eat it, too. and seven whole years is a lot of cheating!! but that aside, did it not occur to you that if he could cheat on his wife for you, that he could cheat on you for someone else? we always want to believe that we're different, and that he won't do that to us because we're special. but if he has the capacity to cheat on his wife, who he's made a life-long committment to, then he sure as hell has the capacity to cheat on you! if i were you, i'd tell his wife what he's been up to. this poor woman has the right to know!! as for yourself, my god, you can find someone so much better than that. someone who can give their all to you, and not have to sneak around. i wish you happiness.
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A
female
reader, immuno +, writes (4 August 2006):
I am so sorry for you. How did he react when you ended your relationship with him? Did you both discuss it thoroughly so that it is final or do you still feel like there are things you need to say to him? Seven years is a very long time and it does seem to me that he owes you an explanation. He must be trying to prove something to himself, why has he remained married through all of this? It sounds like he and his ex-girlfriend deserve each other. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and go on, count yourself lucky you did not get married to him.
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