A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hii.Well next friday I have a party and me, my boyfriend, my best girl friend and maybe her boyfriend and my best boy mate are planning to camp out. As we are typical teenagers we will obviously want booze and we want to have a good laugh. My boyfriend of 3 months has told me he would like to have sex with me but only if i want to, we split up about 2 months ago for about 4 days then got back together again for a week then he finished me. I finished him the first time for another lad. We both forgave each other and realised we still loved each other and got back together after about 10 days. We've been together ever since. I do love him and would like some advice on whether or not to have sex with him. Really I think we should wait longer and maybe try something else before sex but then again I'm not sure. I just need to say that I don't feel pressured into anything and he would take it perfectly fine if I said no. I would rather have sex with him when we are on our own as all my friends would know! Well they would know anyway I would just feel a little uncomfortable! Anyway thanks.x * Beth * x
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female
reader, love-him +, writes (28 May 2007):
 Beth babe im nt gna tell u not to do it, to wait until a better time and moment and PLACE to have sex, because i am a teenager to and probs wudnt listen lol.. you say you love him, but babe u two have finished each other many times.. this camp out.. does that mean you are all sleeping in a tent together?? if it does thn babe dya realy want ya mates to hear u two havin sex? babe if the time feels right go ahed but for god sake dont let him presurise you into nothing.. mail me if u wanna chat x x x x
A
female
reader, laurie-loo +, writes (28 May 2007):
 you have so much time ahead of you to be thinking about sex, obviously if you are breaking up with each other for other people there is no possible way you are both mature enough for a relationship of this kind and i dont think its a good idea. i know that that may sound patronising but its honestly not, as a 16 year old myself i had sex when i was 14 for all the wrong reasons, i was drunk, at a party, with someone i didnt even like in that way but felt to embarrased to say no. now im with someone who ive been with over a year who ive also had sex with but really wish i had saved it for him. i think if you have sex with his boy now you will end up regretting it. if people are there then stories will most certinly go around, as mine was at a party everybody new and everybody thought i was really dirty and did that sort of thing all the time. i would really advise you to wait a while longer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): Basically forget sex. You're going to a party so just make the most of it and have fun-without sex. The other answers are spot on-- you do not want to look back and know you lost your virginity in some sleazy drunken fumble, remember you can only do it once in a lifetime make it special with the right one so it will be the best moment of your life, don't throw away a once in a lifetime opportunity for a cheap one night stand. Also--have a good time also watch the drink because if you get smashed, whether you want to have sex or not you will not be able to control your actions so u are in a very exposed, vulnerable position. It's your decision but just remember to be strong and sensible and don't let it stop u having fun. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (27 May 2007):
 i think you are still very young and you have plenty of time to be out there having sex.
dont rush into anything, this relationship sounds very on and off at the moment. take things slowly make sure that this boy is the one you want you first time to be with.
If you are going to have sex with him then talk to your doctor about birth control and make sure he wears a condom.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): Hi beth, read the two previous replies closely as they speak a lot of sense. It sounds like you are right to question whether or not this is the right thing to do. It doesn't sound a very intimate place to loose your virginity, like you say, others will be around. Do you really want some dark drunken fumble in a tent? Of course you don't. Having sex for the first few times can be a tricky and uncomfortable experience, you ideally want to stay well away from alcohol and take intimate things with someone slowly and gradually.
You and your boyfriend obviously have feelings for each other, but look at your uncertain history and that you've only been together a couple of months! You call it love now, but you won't see things in the same way in a year or two. Also remember you will remember the guy you loose your virginity for the rest of your life, do you really want to look back and know you lost it to some guy drunk in a tent where all your mates found out? That sounds pretty cheap to me. I agree with Yos, you do sound like a sensible girl so I am sure you will make the right choices in your life. Just be careful about drinking alcohol, it has a minimum age of 18 for a good reason! - Take care.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 You said it yourself:
"Really I think we should wait longer and maybe try something else before sex"
Listen to your instincts. Don't feel you have to have sex in order to keep him (young men just don't feel that having sex means they have to stay together). And don't feel having sex will make you somehow more grown-up or cooler. It doesn't work like that. Especially having sex with your friends around is something I strongly advise against, you'd be amazed how negative rumours can spread around (or maybe not if you've seen it happen...)
You sound like a sensible girl with a good head on your shoulders. You stick to doing exactly what you feel comfortable with and you'll do fine.
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A
male
reader, Uncle_J  +, writes (25 May 2007):
OMG! Please listen to me closely - You have no idea what your about to do to your life. Once you have sex with a man you're going to change. I promise this to you. You are going to realize something that you 100% will wish you never learned when you hit your 20's. One day you will want to be married and will have wished that you would have saved yourself for him. When you get started at your age you will have many partners by the time you're in your mid twenties and will most likely carry bad mental baggage with you because what you're concidering doing right now.
Having sex does NOT make you an adult. Making sound decisions is what makes you an adult. Sex will only complicate and supress the life that you will one day wish you could have had.
I'm going to be honest with you, I am 27 years old and am a musician in a national band. I've met 1000's of woman and am a very perseptive listener. I hear the same stories of why one or the other is a permiscuios woman over and over again and they all have one thing in commen, they all claim that they got started having sex at too young an age. and they all wish that they never would have learned what they learned at that age.
You want to know what you're going to learn? You're going to learn that your value to men is sex. you're going to exploit it for a while and start to feel terrible about yourself. you're going to experiance heartbreak many more times than you have too because this is what teenage guys do, they hit and split. They are driven by different emotions than you are, trust me on this i know what i'm talking about because I've met and have had these conversations with many more people than the average bloke has.
Please hear my words and respect them, I'm not an old fogie saying listen to me child, this is the way it's gonna be. I've shared with you the facts of life in a way that probably no one else would or could.
Tell him no. Enjoy your inocent fun. Sex creates false emotions, most people that claim they are in love now adays are really just trapped by these emotions of false bond and can't admit it nor do most realize it due to ignorance and co dependency. Be the smart one, please be the smart one.
Update soon please!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): i would wait...make it a bit more special if its your first time, especially as your having doubts. Dont rush into something because u will end up regreting it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): I would advise you to wait a little bit longer. Are you on birth control? Have you talked to a doctor before you have started to think about sex? I think there are some other responsibilities you must take care of first- also make srue he doesnt break up with you again after you guys do it just because he was in it for the chase and got what he wanted. Think wisely about this and do not do anything under pressure. Just have fun and dont worry.
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