A
female
age
36-40,
*shley81288
writes:Ok where to start I’m 21 years old I got with my first boyfriend when I was 12 my mother allowed him to move in with me, once I had sex with him at 13 he started putting his hands on me I stayed with him for almost a year only because my mother beaten me for many of years so I thought the only reason he beaten me was because he loved me, but now I know it wasn’t right. Soon after that, I got taken away and they gave me to my grandma but she was too old to really take care of me so I’ve pretty much been on my own since I was 14, I moved in with my second boyfriend when I was 15, he had his own place and was older, although now I know I learned allot from him, when I was younger I was dumb and thought I was so grown and knew everything when really I didn’t, I moved out almost a year later, we kept dating, I found on later that he had kids and a girlfriend in another state, he was just here to get a place and a job and get everything set up for them, but even after I found out I was so in love we kept seeing each other, I was living place to place then just before I turn 17 he moved back to his home town I thought my life was over, I thought since I had a very hard life, when I was younger and learned to take care of myself I would be fine but the love thing got to me very bad I wasn’t use to someone loving me so once he was gone I was lost I started drinking and partying, and saying F love I was being a “player” a few weeks before my 17th birthday I meant this guy, he wasn’t my type at all, but he was sweet and did everything for me, me and that guy are suppose to be getting married June 21st, but we are having some issues and I don’t know what to do. When me and him first got together I was still hooked on my ex and want trying to find love so I treated him very bad I used him to buy me thing and after a year I started hitting him, I left him for other guys and then when me and the other guys were over after a few weeks I ran back to him, he always waited for me until almost 2 years ago I told him I didn’t want to hurt him so I wasn’t sure if I wanted to date again so this time he didn’t wait, he started dating another girl for almost a year then we decided to try it again I’ve changed so much for him I show him how much I love him I don’t put my hands on him I’m truly in love with him we have been back together for a year now and we are suppose to get married June 21st but the issues is he has changed for the worst I’ve worked so hand the changed the bad things in my life and the bad things about me and now I’m trying to give him all of me but I feel like he is pushing me away or is paying me back for the things I did to him don’t get me wrong he is still a good guy but he isn’t the same guy I fell in love with so many years ago, and on top of that he comes from a good family with money and he is his dad’s only child so his dad gives him everything he does work for his dad to make money he won’t go get a job everything I have I have worked so hard to get and I’m worried how are life is going to be once we get married I’m afraid he won’t grow up we fight all the time over dumb things, like I make more money than him but he has so much more to show for it because he has never had to pay bills, so now that I’m living with them I have no bills but I’m going to school and like when we go shopping and I buy something that I need he says well do I get to buy a game or do I get to get this and we get into a big fight because I don’t have much I don’t think it is fair nor right for him to get mad when I’m buying myself something when he has tons of thing I know it sounds dumb but it just comes down to the fact that he has had everything given to him and haven’t had the life I have had so he’s kind of shelter and self center I don’t know I just don’t think he will ever grow up does it just sound like I’m picky or what I don’t know what to do all we do is fight and I love him and changed I just want him to change but he doesn’t see there’s anything wrong with the way he thinks he thinks it just me.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 January 2010):
 Your not old enough to get married, you have so many issues that need to be sorted out first.
MONEY!!!!! Yep, I know that this is important to you, your a survior, and money is therefore very important to you. But the amount of emphasis you put upon it, is very worrying. You need to start paying some of the bills, together you need to draw up a financial budget for the household. He should pay half and you should pay half. The money you both have left over should go into your own private accounts and you should be able to spend it as you please.
It's only been a year.. have you really changed, can you imagine being married to this guy and being faithful to him for the rest of your life. I think you need to talk to someone, you've had a very hard and rough life, and this has damaged you in many, many ways. You need someone mature to help you deal with things in a more adult way. See if you can arrange some counselling.
This guy has changed. Your destructive behaviour means that he no longer has the love and respect for you that he once did. If you marry, nothing will change. You will treat him like a king, and he will treat you like the dirt beneath his feet. He hasn't forgiven you, because there is a lot to forgive. You cheated, you pushed him away, and now you want him back the way he was. That guy was innocent, he trusted you, he gave you everything. You didn't want it then, you abused him, and you broke his heart. He is probably waiting for you to change back again.
I don't know what you can do. It is hard for a person to forgive when they have been hurt like this. In the back of their mind, their is always distrust, and the wish to punish you so you can feel like they did. I don't know what you can do. Maybe time will show him that you've changed. I only know that it's a mistake to get married when things are unsettled like this. But if you don't marry, then you'll be rejecting him again.....
I really don't know what to suggest to help you. Maybe you should tell him some of the stuff you told us here. Tell him you feel that he has changed, tell him you want him back the way he was before. Tell him you are sorry for hurting him. Explain how much he means to you, and ask him what can you do to make him love you the way he did before...
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