A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm due to be married in a few weeks time. Thing is, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing!!I really thought it was what I wanted, at first when he proposed out of the blue I was rather taken aback, and I did say yes because I couldnt exactly say No. I always wanted to marry him someday, so why not now? i thought. I love him, I always have and we are happy.And obviously i wanted this, all the plans we have made are absolutely fantastic, I've arranged eveything I have ever dreamed of.But all of a sudden, I'm scared that I am making a huge mistake. I dont know why I am feeling this way. Sometimes when I'm on my own, it suddenly hits me, and I am so scared. what if it doesnt work out? what if we fall out of love? what if he's not the one, and the one turns up one day? Is this normal? like pre wedding jitters or something. I am still looking forward to the day, but I cant help but think its the day I want more than the marriage. What ever happens, I can't back out now, too much has been planned, paid for and organised. Its going to go ahead like it or not, but how can i stop these feelings? I dont want to ruin it all, and I'm starting to take my frustration out on him now. I cant stop snapping. I'm in such a messx
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female
reader, Manya  +, writes (7 August 2007):
While it's true that sometimes you have to just "take the plunge" -- it sounds
like you have a few things to think through. However, it may be pre-wedding jitters
because you started to -- it appears -- feel this way three weeks before the
wedding. How long have you been engaged? If it's been a year and you felt
all right with it until now, then chances are it's last minute anxiety. However,
if you've felt this way all along, then maybe there are deeper issues!
I agree with what the others say about seeing a counselor or church pastor (or oldest friend who's known you since third grade!) etc.
Just remember, you always have options, even to postpone the wedding.
Try to visulize yourself in five or ten years with your man. Are you still
married & happy to be together?
A
female
reader, Myrah  +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Hey Girl congrats. I agree with the backto and Chrissy marriage is a beautiful thing and trust me you are going to be happy at the same time a premarital counselling would definitely not be a bad Idea seeing like a church pastor both you and your partner to kinda settle down doubts and really know what you are both getting yourselves into because marriage is for life and the fact that you put so much energy and work into planning a wedding just to get a divorced later is not cool. depending on when your wedding is going to be its never too late. and sometimes getting disengaged now is better than going through a divorce later. I know you said yes b/c you love him and you genuinely want to marry him and you are going to be happy but before you jump the broom try premarital classes that will help calm a lot of fears and doubts
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Make an appointment with some kind of counselor -- someone you can talk things through with. A marriage counselor would be great, so that they know the kind of questions to ask.
It's likely that these are just pre-wedding jitters, but you need to know for sure, right? A counselor can help you decide. Paying for a counselor right now could be the best wedding-related money you'll ever spend.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (7 August 2007):
 I know lots of money has already been spent on your wedding prep, but you actually CAN back out, even now. Look at it this way, if you think this is someone you don't really want to marry right now, and you go ahead and marry him, then you'll be spending even more money to go ahead with the wedding, and then get a divorce. So, the sooner the better.
But, without knowing specifics about your situation, it seems like it could just be jitters you're feeling. Ask yourself this:
Is this person someone you are in love with (not just someone you love)?
Is this person someone who brings out the best in you?
Is this person someone who makes you feel good about yourself?
Is this person someone who you feel you can make mistakes with and still be loved?
Etc...
If so, then don't worry. Don't put so much pressure on yourself!
You can't predict the future, but you can make the best choice with all the info you have now. If things are good now, and you feel he is the right person to marry, then marry him! But, if your gut is telling you that he may not be the right person for you, then back out now before it becomes 10 times more difficult and 100 times more complicated.
You're in a tough spot, so I suggest you go see a counselor a few times before the wedding. They can know all the details of your situation and help you make the best decision for all involved.
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (7 August 2007):
 hey hun i just got married in may i was the same way you are, i wanted to be married but i was scared i think everyone goes through this but the thing is you can not worrie about what if this dont work or what if this dont happen. you cant think that way you have to take it day by day and just work it all out, with a couple weeks befor the wedding you are stressed and very emotional but it will get better after the wedding and you will be happy that you didnt back out! The night befor my wedding i was going to back out and i had it all planed when i got up there i was going to to say no i dont because we had a family problem the night b4 the wedding but once i walked down the run way and i seen my husband it was the best thing ever and i couldnt say nuttin but i do and now we are happily married, and you will be too you are just woring to much but, when ever you feel that way take your mind off it and clean take a walk do something to keep your mind off the bad stuff, take a walk with your soon to be husband and talk to him about it. but it will work out! Congrats!
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