A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I been talking to this girl for a few weeks now. At first, she was very resilient. I heard a lot of the word "no", but now she seems more interested in hanging out. We've gone on a couple of dates/hangouts ( casual dinners, public shopping areas, small parties with my friends, etc ). Just very light hanging out and nothing too flamboyant. Sometimes I pay for her food, and sometimes she is willing to pay ( which doesn't seem like something a girl who isnt interested would do )The more and more we hang out, I can see she is more and more "down" for me, metaphorically speaking. I haven't done much PDA besides kissing her/holding her hand, but not in the presence of my friends ( since we're not together ). However, when we are walking around alone I dont mind holding her hand.We have gotten very comfortable with eachother and i feel her opening up to me more and more.I have tried multiple occassions to get into her pants, but she says no with some anger in her eyes, which frustrates me a lot because I know, from experience, that if a girl is really into you, she would want to sleep with you (obvious)I am known to be a player and have slept around a lot, but I think this girl is just playing a difficult game. My goal is not to just get into her pants, but of course that sexual connection would take our relationship to a whole new level. I definitely do see myself with her, outside of any sexual relationship we have.I feel like we have a great connection. She is starting to laugh a lot and smile. Overall, our comfort level has increased dramatically.advices? comments? what do I do next?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell I do believe you ladies are correct because I kind of get that impression too. Players have to work extra harder to compensate for their "past" and since we play better games, so will the lady. FML.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): If you are a known 'player' then you will be waiting for longer than a 'few weeks' to get into the pants of any self-respecting lady. You have to prove yourself to her. She has to see that you are being genuine and she isn't just being played. This takes patience...cuz it will probably be months before she sees you are serious about her and really want a long term relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 September 2011):
 Talk to her about how you feel about her and don't make the mistake of pushing her sexually just yet. She's signaled pretty clearly that she is going to wait until she's completely comfortable and you will have to be content to do this at her pace.
The fact that you are known as a player works against you. Do you want a girlfriend? Or are you just interested in getting more sexually intimate with her because you like to do that with the girls you know?
PDAs in front of your friends may make you feel uncomfortable but why is that? Because you don't want to take their joking or because it's a sign that you are off the market for other girls?
"I know, from experience, that if a girl is really into you, she would want to sleep with you (obvious)". Some girls may WANT to sleep with you but they choose NOT to because they aren't ready yet, they don't know if you are actually a relationship-type guy, or merely a player. Don't make the mistake of assuming girls think like guys, or that this girl should be thinking like you do.
With this girl, you may actually have to commit to a relationship before she'll feel comfortable enough to have sex with you. Are you actually interested in a real, honest to goodness, actual boyfriend/girlfriend type of deal?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 Ok. I have read this a couple of times now.
And I am going to try and stick to the facts.
You have been 'talking' (note, not dating, or going out with, or being in a relationship with) this girl for a few weeks.
You have ONLY gone on a couple of dates. (note, not LOTS of dates, only a couple)
So, after only a few weeks, you wonder why she wont have sex with you?
Perhaps she isn't the type of girl who sleeps around. Perhaps she is waiting to get to know you before she takes the big step of sleeping with you.
Perhaps she wants to see you are really interested in her and not as you so delightfully put it 'trying to get into her pants'.
From your question, you seem to be very selfish. This is all about you, and your penis, not about her feelings or her comfort level.
"I have tried multiple occassions to get into her pants, but she says no with some anger in her eyes, which frustrates me a lot because I know, from experience, that if a girl is really into you, she would want to sleep with you (obvious)"
This shows NO RESPECT for her at all. She obviously isnt ready to have sex with you. YET. She may really like you a lot, but still not be prepared to have sex with you until she is more comfortable and confident you are not going to turn tail and run. (as you openly admit to being a
player).
You have a reputation. She probably knows that.
"I am known to be a player and have slept around a lot, but I think this girl is just playing a difficult game. "
She is not 'playing a difficult game' she probably just doesnt want to end up like one of the other countless women you charmed, slept with and then left behind. She want's to be sure you are not talking BS to her.
Your comments really suggest you have no respect for her, and the fact she isn't putting out for you is frustrating you because she isnt falling at your feet. This one is a challenge to you, and your normal charming isnt working.
Bottom line, she doesnt trust you. She is wary of your behaviour (based on your past conquests) and doesnt want to end up another notch on your bedpost. You cant really blame her to be honest. She seems like a nice girl, not the type to sleep about.
IF you are being truthful, and you can see yourself being with her outside of 'sex' then prove it. Don't rush her. When she is ready it will happen. Yes that might be longer than you normally wait, but tough. Treat her nicely. Be the gentleman. SHOW HER you have put your bad boy days behind you.
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