A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys.. I've been with this guy for 2.5 years. He's a great man and we just feel connected. He's 35 yo and I'm 26. But somehow, his mom hates me and his dad's at his mom's side even tho he doesn't really know the true story. He's the only son. At first, his mom liked me but after a year she just hates me. She said I'm rude (this particular one i don't understand), I'm after his money (I never asked anything from him), I cant control my bf's weight (he is not fat!He is chubby not fat), i'm not helping around the house when I'm around (I did), bla bla bla... seems like she keeps making reasons for something I didn't do. I'm not perfect i might have done some mistake but somehow I'm just fed up. It started a year ago and ever since I never talked to his mom again or coming over to his house cos his mom doesn't want me around his house. My bf did talk to his mom recently and it failed. It turned to a big fight to both of them. My bf's totally defending me cause he totally sees that what his mom's saying about me is not true. He's planning to marry me and he told his mom that if she couldn't deal with me, he will move out. The reason why he's still staying at his mom's house because his mom only lives in the house for 6 months and she needs him to look over the house. She keeps goin in and out the country every 6 months. Also, my bf has always wanted to move out because he couldn't stand living in the house with his mom (even before he met me). From my side, I feel rejected and I'm terribly sad about this. I feel like i have this hatred and grudge over his mom for accusing me. At one side, I want to be with him but I couldn't see the point where this relationship heading if his mom's acting like this towards me. Honestly, I dont think I could live with her shadows haunting me. Also, I feel like a bad person making all the fights between a son and a mother. On the other side, I don't want to end this relationship with him. Especially after all the effort he's done to me by defending me.I'm really in dilemma, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to choose. Please help any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 Hi,I like you already. The fact that even though his mother cause you so much pain, and stress, you still consider her feelings. You feel guilty for making your boyfriend fight with his parents. I also can tell you for sure that he truly loves you, by defending you. This is not a casual relationship, you both are planning to get married. My advice to you is to talk to his mom alone. Call her and ask her to meet, explain to her nicely, and politely that you would appreciate so much if she gives you chance to talk to her. If you are serious about him, you need to make peace with his mom. You need to find out what the real problem is. Something happened that made her feel this way. If, she didn't like you from beginning, it would've been easy to understand, because many moms are jealous, and over protective of their sons, specially when he's the only child. But, you mentioned that she used to like you the first year you've been dating him. If you do have the chance to talk to her, start by thanking her for the opportunity, and for giving you a chance to explain yourself. start by saying that you truly love him. That you honestly don't know what you did wrong to cause her to be against you, and don't understand why she hate you so much? Tell her that you are sad, hurt that she treats you this way, as for not knowing what you did wrong. Tell her that you want to have a good relationship with her. That whatever you did wrong, it was never your intensions. Tell her that from beginning you always respect her. Tell her to help you become better, that you are willing to do whatever it takes. Tell her that you love her son, so therefore, you love the parents too. Tell her you are honest, that you want a relationship with her not out of pressure, or the right thing to do, but because this is truly how you feel, and want. Talk to her, pour your heart out, hopefully she will forgive you whatever her reasons are. I hope she accepts you well, but if she doesn't, at least you have to try once. The important thing is that are things unresolved between the two of you. Whatever happens, at least you will have peace of mind. As for the dad, don't hate him, his just being supportive of his wife, like your boyfriend is supportive of you. I wish you the best luck!!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): Firstly you are not to blame for the fights between son and mother.It sounds like the mother is threatened by you replacing her. Hes an only child all be it hes an adult and i think shes finding it hard to accept thats hes an adult and is growing away from her which is healthy. Maybe he needs to tell his mother that he loves her and will always need his mum but he needs to be treated like an adult and allowed to pick and choose his friends. She may not agree and thats her choice but that he needs to tell her he will no longer tolerater thistreatment she has towards you and he would like it if she made more of an effort to treat you. his future wife with the respect you deserve or she will force him to make a choice in your favour.His parents were allowed to grow and move from their respective family homes when they married so why isnt he allowed to do the same? Hopefully this will give her food for thought
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