A
female
age
41-50,
*ecca78
writes:Yet again I find myself let down. Story of my life really. I seem to meet blokes who constantly lie to me and use me. Anyway point of this question is that I met a guy a few months ago, who I really like - I think he's totally amazing! He lives about an hour away from me but has family nearby and he's here most weekends. We went out on a date, got on really well and I took him home with me (maybe I shouldn't have done but it was a really great date!) I didn't expect to hear from him again (figured it to be a 1 night stand) so when I did I was surprised! Next time he was here we hooked up again on the Friday night and I gave him a lift home on the Sunday (he asked and paid for fuel) We got on well and chatted for a bit and afterwards I did get a few texts. Couple of weeks later same thing happened but when I gave him a lift back (I offered) we went out for a few drinks spent hours talking (and had sex in my car) At this point I asked him what was going on with us amd he was honest and said just sex. This was fair enough, as he's going away for a few months next year and he said he didn't want to get involved with anyone) Same thing happened again a couple of weeks later. Anyway I felt we were getting closer, despite what he'd said, we got on well, could talk, have a laugh and great sex and I'm usually good at reading when people like me! Then a few weeks ago, I gave him a lift back here, and things still good, talk of us going out for a meal at some point (his suggestion) and he stayed with me on the Friday night. I drove him back on the Sunday, we talked, but he didn't want sex. Then I heard virtually nothing from him - no response to messages/texts, couple of random ones from him but that's it. Saw him again last week, he said he'd just been busy (I knew he had been) and that he hadn't really been in touch with anyone. He was his normal friendly self around me, talking to me and introducoing me to his friends. He stayed at mine again on the Friday night and I gave him a lift to a friends on Sunday. Last thing he said when I dropped him off was call you later. It's nearly been a week and nothing. I've sent him a couple of texts - nothing heavy, just how are you? and are you around? sort of thing. I've put no pressure on him and we've always got on well. Whilst I'd love it to develop ointo something I know the circumstances aren't good and I would be more than happy just to be friends who have sex. He is a great person who makes me happy and I really do just want him in muy life in some way. I just don't get why he's started blanking me! Any ideas? Blokes point of view would be particularly helpful!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): Look, You have a FWB relationship here. I am in one right now too, its just been a month and is ALREADY complicated! I love his sex, love spending time with him, snuggling up in bed with him, we talk on the phone, text each other when ever we like and YES, THERE ARE TIMES when I feel ignored by him too. THere are times he dosent return my text messages or dosent call me for 3-4 days in a row. But at the same time there are times when he calls me on his own initiative & seems concerned. Its a COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP.
Usually, girls tend to start developing feelings for their FBW guy and guys only like having sex so You should jst leave it to that. THERE IS NOTHING 'TRUE' OR 'REAL' in a FWB relationship! If you want to look for something real and permanent, you should go for a 'Serious relationship' with a person who is NOT just interested in great sex with you. I completely understand you and just trying to make you understand so that you dont get hurt further. He dosen't want anything except sex dear, If you still want to give him that "Go ahead", but dont blame him and sob after if you ask him for a 'real relationship' and he runs away. FWB DO NOT EVER CONSIST OF COMMITMENTS.
A
female
reader, becca78 +, writes (6 December 2008):
becca78 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your comments.
It's just difficult, cos we have spent a lot of time talking as well. I know what I want to believe, and I know that I shouldn't and should just cut my losses and get out. Only thing is that it is a small town where I live and I know that I will still see him around when he's here on nights out. It's also difficult because I am 30 and I really do want to meet someone. It may be partly self esteem issues, I have been single for a long time apart from "flings" and I do start to doubt myself. I am a nice person (maybe too nice), quite funny, slim, attractive, good personality, but I do feel better about myself when a bloke is interested in me. I used to get validation from work - I work for a sales company with a lot of sales reps who all love me (or most of them). But ultimatly that's just work and it's not real. And that's what I'm looking for - something real.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): I am with AskOldersis here.Self esteem is really important.If you don't love yourself enough then it will be difficult for other people to love you as well.
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A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 Women always feel like they are getting close with a man when sex is involved and men are very different which is unfair! LOL
It seems the only way they develop feelings is by having to chase a woman for a long time and get in the habit of treating her well and doing things for her until that habit is established. WHen sex starts so soon, it almost always stays just sex and he has to do nothing in return.
Cut off the sex now before you get really really hurt. If he actually cares for you, he will begin to treat you right, but depending how long this has been going on, chances are he's in it for the sex and out for himself.
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A
female
reader, becca78 +, writes (6 December 2008):
becca78 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know what you're saying. But I suppose I'm just hurt because we were getting on well then suddenly nothing! I know he was busy, but how long does it take to send a text saying "I'm ok, really busy at moment will speak soon"? I just don't get how on the Sunday we talked for a couple of hours before I dropped him off and all was good then nothing!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 One of the problems is that when you agree to such loose boundaries....you have to accept them. Although it seems that your relationship has changed from the initial meetings, the rules were not modified. In your mind you're becoming attached and he may still be in the "just sex" mode. Neither of you has done anything wrong. It's best to either accept it for what it is or talk to him about establishing something more. As for actually being friends, that is debatable. If yo stopped having sex with him would he still visit. I don't have sex with any of my friends and we see each other all the time.
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