A
female
age
30-35,
*arinewife18
writes:Well first off i'm 18 yrs old! Will be married a year in Febuary! We have been together for two years and have a 10 month old together and he is a Marine! What i need help is with what i should do and if we will make it! Well my and my husband argue ALOT! I don't think we can go a whole week without arguing about something! And it's stupid little things! We live in two different states! Because he want find us a house. Don't know why i just can't get him too. He would rather drink on weekends and when he gets off instead of going to find a place for me and our daughter to live. So i'm still at home with my parents. Well when he was home for christmas me and him go into it real bad because when he came home after he paid for gas to get home we had no money to buy our little girl in christmas! So he started calling me a whore cause i called him some names but nothing like that! And i couldn't get him to stop and before i knew it he was choking me in front of the baby! So i punched him and gave him a black eye! Well after we got everything worked out and calmed down everything was fine! Well he went back to where he is stationed and everything was great no arguements or nothing for about 2 and a half weeks then it started again! Well he was drinking tonight(saturday) and we got into it! I can't stand when he drinks because it causes alot of problems and he kept telliing me to shut up and calling me names and told me it was over.(which in his case isn't the first time) He constantly makes me feel bad about myself and i don't know what to do! I love him to death and would love for us to stay together but idk if we will! Please tell me what you think! Thanks!
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female
reader, Marinewife18 +, writes (25 January 2009):
Marinewife18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you all! I have considered almost everything to help us! To huneygyrl i know somethings bothering him but getting him to talk is hard i would have better luck talking to a brick wall!! There could be alot of things bothering him! I could be either his dad having cancer for the second time or either he knows that deep down i blame him him for missing my daughters birth! Because in alot of our heated arguments that comes up! But i was 7 months pregnant when he joined the Marines and he left when i was 8 and half months. The recruitor gave him a chance to leave a month before the baby was born or a month after and he went before! Me and him have both talked about getting marriage concelling but us being in two different states and not getting to see eachother except maybe once out of the month and that's only on a weekend its kinda hard to go threw with concelling! So when we do see eachother me him and my daughter spend all the time we can together! I have came close to leaving him but something keeps holding me back! It's not that i can't take of my daughter without him cause i know i can! i guess it's just cause i love him so much and it hurts so bad! but like i said thanks to all!
A
female
reader, lovesalias +, writes (25 January 2009):
 awww sweetie...you need to think of your safety first and foremost. I know that you love this man but it is not a healthy relationship for you or your daughter to be in at this point. I know that this is a very tough period for you but no matter what you said to this man in the heat of an argument does not justify him putting his hands on you like that and infront of your daughter. This can become very traumatising for your little girl even though you think she is too young to understand. I grew up with my parents being emotionally and physically abusive to one another and believe me it is a lonely place for a child.
I would seriously take a look at the situation and perhaps bring a third party mediator in to help you and your husband discuss your behavior towards one another. I am sure that the distance puts a strain on your relationship as well but it is good that you have the support of your parents. Just look at yourself as if you were your daughter, how would you want her to proceed? What kind of life would you like for her and know that you deserve the same.
I am not suggesting that you just leave but I am saying to take a serious look at the way things are in your relationship. Maybe you need a break from eachother a month or so to focus on what you each want out of life and if the other can provide or help you to realize those goals and dreams.
I am sure you are a smart, strong, beautiful young lady that any man would be lucky to have. Pray about it and ask the Lord to guide you in your words and actions. Do what is right for you and your daughter and dont worry about what people will think or say because eventually they will get over it and you will be happy. Speak your mind respectfully, tactfully, and if your husband can not be the man that you need him to be then perhaps he needs the space to grow up and become that man and he should hope and pray that you allow him the chance to prove his worth. Just remember your worth. You are a role model for your daughter and it is vital that you show her how it is that she should expect to be treated by any man and always arguing or being physical is no way to learn how to love a man. I hope this helps and I wish you good luck!
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (25 January 2009):
 He can really get into trouble for spousal abuse in military and serve time in the Brigg (not sure what the Marines call it -- military prison). It is obvious he needs help. There are programs in the military to help him. Call the Fleet and Family Center in your military area. It doesn't hurt to try.
Being a military wife comes with a lot of absent presence of your husband, lack of fatherhood, communication, etc. It most cases, it leads where he's taking it.
I am truly sorry to hear about your situation however, this happens everyday. It is up to you to do something about it, for the safety of your child, as well as your own.
With all honesty, another thing I can think of is he may be going outside of your marriage.
If arguments occur between the both of you a lot, there's something deeper that's bothering him.
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