A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi lately I feel like my relationship has no future we recently got engaged but he never wants to get married we have 1 child and he wants no more he never wants to buy a house together so I cannot see much of a future with this man I have always wanted at least 2 children a husband and our own home but he wants none of this I have tried explaining how I feel about this and asked him why he doesn't want any of these things I honestly don't think he cares enough about me as we have had problems with him with other women not cheating on me but I think the intention was there what do I do stay with him and not have a decent future or leave thank you
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 February 2017):
 If you honestly feel you will not have a "decent" future with him then you need to reconsider the relationship. Why settle for something less? You still have around (on average) fifty years on this earth, do you really want to spend those years wishing you had the courage to get out there and create the future for you and your child you could deem "decent"
If you are unhappy don't hang around hoping he will change, its very unlikely to happen.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 February 2017):
 I am puzzled. Why did you get engaged if you are not going to get married? What was the point? An engagement is merely a promise to marry in the future. Did you insist on an engagement ring? Was his compromise that he will get engaged but not married? If so, that seems rather a pointless thing to do.How is your relationship on a day to day basis? Does he treat you well? Is he a good father to your child? Why won't he consider getting a mortgage? Why does he not want another child? A man not wanting another child is not that unusual. The reasons can vary from financial worries to believing they cannot possibly love another child as much as the one they already have (honestly). You two need to sit down and discuss exactly WHY he does not want the things you want. (A good time would have been before you had a child together but that's done now.)Then YOU have to consider how important these things are to you. There is no saying that, if you split up, you will find someone who wants to have a child with you. Or even a mortgage. And there is no saying that, because you have a child and a mortgage (and even a marriage certificate) with someone, you will stay together. HOWEVER, if you are truly unhappy with this man and what crumbs he is offering, then you need to risk looking for happiness somewhere else. Be prepared to compromise on what you want though - for the right man.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (5 February 2017):
 I agree, from the sound of your post he doesn't seem inclined to plan a future with you. Has he offered any insight as to why he proposed marriage when he openly doesn't want to get married? Any good reasons as to why he wants to kind of have a life with you but not really commit to anything permanent?
The questionable fidelity on his end strikes me as a bit of a red flag, especially when taken in context with the rest of what you shared with us. It's almost like he wants to keep you around for the time being but doesn't want to make any commitments (marriage, shared mortgage) that take some time and legal intervention to dissolve if one of these other women should catch his eye.
I do think you deserve better than this, yes. He's always going to be part of your life because of the child you share, but I don't think anything is going to change him into the man you'd like him to step up and be for you and your child. If your dreams include a marriage, a house, and siblings for your little one, this guy doesn't appear to be the right partner for you.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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