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female
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*atieE
writes: I've been dating a guy for quite a long time now, he proposed to me, but his sister doesn't like me and has a strong impression on him, not changing his mind, but just making him angry. His mom is the only one in his family that he really gets along with, but when he spends time with me, it makes her down in the dumps. I guess my question really is how to make our relationship more open to his family. His mom doesn't say that she don't like me, but I feel that way. I love him very much and Don't want to lose him. I just need help on how to prove to them I'm not a bad person.
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female
reader, shellbell592  +, writes (7 September 2010):
I am having the same problem, im 18 and have been with my boyfriend 6 years, since 7th grade. we are deeply in love and happy together. we've had a lot of ups and downs considering the fact that we only have been with eachother. his family for some reason does not like me.. two days ago, his grandma was in the car with me him and his mom and she said that his dad told her that i barge into the house without knocking, ---which was not true, i am so scared to even walk in their house let alone barge right in.. and that i also sleep over whenever i feel like, i am over 24/7...she said that im a burden to his family basically.
today his aunt commented on his facebook status that said "taking my girlfriend out, she is the most amazing girl in the world" and his aunt commented saying eww get this shit off facebook... and i said something, because after taking the annoying abuse for so long, im going to say something, if my boyfriend wont.
when you find a good enough answer tell me!!
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female
reader, Dolphingrl1989 +, writes (29 April 2010):
There's a probably good reason why they don't like you. I mean, I'm the one who's not linking my brother's fiance and I have a really good reason. She is psycho lol. They met on the internet... BIG MISTAKE. Their next big mistake was getting in an online relationship, which was a dumb idea anyways because she can cheat on him now and he's sooooo "in love with her" but I think it's lust because the first 5 minutes after he went to australia to meet her he hopped in bed with her. He's already got one STD from her we know of since it was easily detected when his mouth started having a reaction and so did his private area. Cost my mom $300 to take him to the dr. this afternoon.He's driving us crazy and getting on our last nerve. While he was over there, she told him she didn't love him and he begged her back and now they are engaged. He won't listen to anything anyone says even his friends and She's a whore. Anyways, they have good reason, I'm sure. Ask them!
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female
reader, stef2464  +, writes (14 February 2010):
HiIm in th same dilema and engaged.His aunty hates me and posted horribly messages to him when she found out we'd split up after a stupid argument (didnt even know what had happened).It sounds stupid but its caused sooo many problems for us because i dont want to be with someone who's family dont like me for no reason! His mum is lovely and i used to get on with his dad and step mumBut recently i left my phone in he lounge and went into the toilet and one of my friends used my phone and txt the whole of my phone book sayin 'dont worry she wont find out about us'! one of these people was his dad ( hu ive only met once) and he is due to get married later next month!!! i explained it was my friend playing a practical joke but the step mum is still angry with me i feel. iv hav told her i wont b coming to the wedding becuase u feel so awkward even tho i havent done anything.. th worse of it all is that he is in afghanistan and doesnt know aanything, and is expecting me to go to the wedding with him.. but i cnt show my face knowin his family think i would do a thing like that!! U do marry into the family cos thy are constantly there especially when u have kids! My head is proper in the shed!! Let me know how u get on tho! x
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female
reader, stef2464 +, writes (14 February 2010):
HiIm in th same dilema and engaged.His aunty hates me and posted horribly messages to him when she found out we'd split up after a stupid argument (didnt even know what had happened).It sounds stupid but its caused sooo many problems for us because i dont want to be with someone who's family dont like me for no reason! His mum is lovely and i used to get on with his dad and step mumBut recently i left my phone in he lounge and went into the toilet and one of my friends used my phone and txt the whole of my phone book sayin 'dont worry she wont find out about us'! one of these people was his dad ( hu ive only met once) and he is due to get married later next month!!! i explained it was my friend playing a practical joke but the step mum is still angry with me i feel. iv hav told her i wont b coming to the wedding becuase u feel so awkward even tho i havent done anything.. th worse of it all is that he is in afghanistan and doesnt know aanything, and is expecting me to go to the wedding with him.. but i cnt show my face knowin his family think i would do a thing like that!! U do marry into the family cos thy are constantly there especially when u have kids! My head is proper in the shed!! Let me know how u get on tho! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): If they don't want you IN you will never be IN the family. If the two of you are happy together, then go ahead and make a NEW family. That is the purpose of marriage, to start a new family, not become part of another family. If they don't want you, keep it that way. Be polite, but don't give yourself to people that are not interested. The more you try, the more they reject you.So, my advice is to stop trying to fit in. He loves you the way you are, don't change anything you are for their acceptance.... he loves you because of who you are and if you change, he will not see in you what made him give you the ring anymore. And if he ask you to marry him but their opinion about you makes him to want to change something about you or the way you are, in front of them, so they don't give him a hard time about you.... or to make them happy.... I am sorry to tell you that you will be better of not marrying him. If he stands by you and tells them that you are the one he wants no matter what, then you guys have a chance to be happy... just the two of you... and the babies that will fill your life and make you forget about who doesn't like you! Be happy with the ones that love you and forget about the ones that don't... is their lost! Don't give to who doesn't want to receive, they don't know what you are worth because they don't want to know, not because you are not worth it. You are special to him and I am sure to other people in your live, keep those who appreciate you happy and forget who doesn't. If you do this, all the ones that don't like you may open their eyes one day and realize what they have been missing out. If they never do... you have save yourself a lot of heartache.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007): I beg to differ with all the answers submitted. My fiance and I established the fact that his family didn't like me and I'd prefer not to be around them either, way before we got engaged. We've found that even this way, there is no family interuptions from either side, I stay close with mine, he stays close with his, but neither of us brings the other persons family into our business or life... Holidays, we spend them together (that's the family we formed, not my parents and his parents too) then we go to see our own family. Simple as that. We've made it work and were happy... Now I know when kids come into play, it may be different, but by that time, who knows everyone may be more mature and open to other ideas for the situation. Deal with those things when the time comes... That's my philosopy. Hope this helps... stick to your guns, don't pretend to be happy around his family, make you and your soon to be husband happy...
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reader, KatieE +, writes (29 November 2005):
Yes, he has problems with his sister and dad. The thing is that his sister knew my brother, my brother drank and everything, so she thinks that I am like my brother. I can't stand my brother to tell you the truth. I've thought about talking to his mom about it, but I always chicken out because I don't know what to say. I kind of don't want him around when I talk to his mom. I don't want to take him away from his family. I would rather be a part of his family. If that makes any sense. I try to spend time with him and his mom, but she never says too much. I just don't know what to say, if I talk to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2005): Communicatrix gives you great advice and I concur. You don't need to change who you are, dear to marry this guy. Either his family accept you or they don't. Personally, I think you are walking into a family nightmare. Do you actually and honestly think these people will respect and like you, just because you marry this guy. In your shoes I would postpone the wedding plans and discuss this deeply abd very seriously with your fiancee. I think it's time for him to sit down and have a chat with his family and set some boundries on how they are treating you. I think this is very wrong of them and he needs to deal with it before you two marry. Being "in love" lasts a while, but eventually real life intervenes. These family members will be part of your life forever, for better or for worse, and boy, does it sound like worse! Good luck dear and I wish you the best.
Hugs, Irish
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (28 November 2005):
 It seems like you already know that you don't just marry the person—you marry the family.
Have you spoken to your fiancé about this? Not just that you're upset, but about about why his family members might feel this way about you? Are you sure this behavior is directed specifically towards you or might they act the same way towards any woman your boyfriend decided to date seriously?
It sounds like there are difficulties between your boyfriend and his family to begin with, so you may never be able to achieve smooth sailing with them. How close is he to them? If you two love each other enough, it may be worth the risk. But it sounds like other than being incredibly patient, there's not much you can *do*; there's really nothing anyone can actively *do* to improve a relationship.
Open the lines of communication as best you can with your fiancé. Let him know this is a concern, and that you'd like to make it better between him, you and his family. Take your cues from him.
And please, think very carefully about whether or not you want to marry into a family where you don't feel welcome.
Good luck.
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male
reader, Tim +, writes (28 November 2005):
 Seem more asian sort of relation son is in love but his momi doesn't like her son's fiancy coz she might have had some body else for him in mind to do an arrange marriage. no hard feeling and so sorry, you shouldn't take away their only son or bro. There are many ways to improve this by changeing yourself and become more friendly, spend more time with their inlaws, invite them, get everyone a present try to take them out for icecream sometimes if you can feed them good meal, I recon fish and chip is wot might change the way they felt about you and that you will prove you like and love them and you are a nice girl not a bad girl coz you were engaged to him not arranged.Good luck
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