A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I were due to marry in July. The last 6months have been really stressful for us due to wedding stress, buying a house etc. My fiance keeps his feelings bottled up. a couple of months back we had a misunderstanding after we had both been drinking. He pushed me a couple of times and held me by the throat. since then he has decided he doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. he says he loves me and wants to spend time with me (which we have been doing). he says he doesnt feel himself anymore and is unhappy, he doesnt want to risk that happening again so he doesnt want to be in a relationship. His parents are divorced and he said the last few months have reminded him of what they went through. I love him and know it isnt like him to lash out. He says he may consider getting help but isnt sure what he wants. in the meantime this waiting is really confusing me, i feel angry and hurt that he would completly end the relationshup but i also understand why. should i wait or move on and try and be friends?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (15 May 2007):
 I am so sorry to hear about your situation. The run up to a wedding can be an incredibly stressful time for any couple--the finances, the impending lifelong committment...all of it is a lot to deal with at one time. Arguments are common, as are nerves.
However.
There is a difference between being unsure and frustrated, and with abuse. What your fiance did was abuse. It may be unlike him to lash out at you the way he did, but it is also much easier to do that again after the first time. Without help, what would keep him from pushing you the next time he has been drinking and feels unhappy?
Your fiance seems to be needing help and certainly sounds like he may be having some problems with clinical depression. He does need help--however, you can't make him get it and until he does, I would suggest getting some distance. I understand how confusing and painful it can be to have a relationship end right when you are expecting it to become permanent, but you need some time and space to get perspective on why the past few months have been so hard on the both of you and why he was so quick to turn violent--and then so slow to make any sort of real reparations to you.
I wish you the best of luck.
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