A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently started dating a 17 year old girl. As a couple by ourselves we work out great. We agree on many important things. She's pretty mature for her age too. The problem is that I think her family is trying to set her up with another guy. Here's why I think so.One, I'm never allowed over to her house. And it's not like she's even been told "no you can't have him over." It's just every time she asks if I can come over, her parents come up with some dumb excuse that's obviously lying. Like, there's ice on the front steps and it's too dangerous. Or, the kitchen is too messy. Second, I do know this other guy who I think her parents want to set her up with. He goes over to her house all the time, and even tells me about it. In fact, her mom invites him over herself. And his mom also encourages him to go visit her. The guy's mom even wrote on Facebook once how "cute" they are together, and my GF's mom responded with "Yeah, they are!"I've talked to my GF about the problem and she tells me that she sees nothing in the other guy except friendship, and I do believe her, I have no reason not to. She said she's told her mom that she doesn't want to date this guy, but her mom insists that's not her goal and that she's just trying to help her see her friends. When she's brought me up in conversation, her mom will say "I hope you're not dating him; what if you are in college and a job offer comes up across the country?" I think she's afraid to tell her parents we are really seriously going out already because if they actually are trying to set her up with this other guy, they'll not only ramp up their efforts there but they'll try to keep her away from me so I can't "interfere." One more thing. Apparently she has told the guy directly she doesn't want to date him, and he said OK, but later HIS mom told him to "just wait a while because she might change her mind." So basically both of these parents are keeping this whole thing going!I'm just really, really uncomfortable with this whole thing. I feel like my girl's done all she can at this point given her age and the fact that she still lives at home. She can't stop her mom from inviting the guy over. She can't stop his mom from giving him false hope. It's not fair to any of us. I feel kind of trapped, that I have to deal with this horrible uncomfortable situation and I can't do anything about it. Breaking ujp with her is silly since she is with me and does love me, but I'm agonizing every day over the fact that this guy is not only allowed to see her whenever he wants while I'm barely allowed to, but he's also holding onto false hope thanks to the work of his and her parents!Anyone have at least some calming words?? Thanks...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Hi, i'm the OP, just updating.So far, her dad does know about us dating but he definitely seems to be the "submissive" in the family, in other words, her mom calls the shots. Even her dad seems nervous about her mom finding out about us. He doesn't seem to have much advice except to keep doing what we're doing until she's 18. It actually makes me laugh that her dad is this way, because usually it's the dad who has all the problems with his daughter dating.So now what worries me is my girlfriend's tendency to "play the game." She swears this is only to keep her mother calm until she moves out, and I assume can avoid her if she yells at her or something. Also I think she wants to keep her mom calm so she will still let her come and see me.But sometimes I think she takes it too far - like "pretending" to be excited about seeing the other guy, or talking about him a lot (when at the same time she can't talk about me). It actually hurts me so much that she can talk about him, joke about him, etc. with her mom, but she can't even discuss me without her mom having a fit. I know it's not her choice for her mom to be this way but it still hurts me anyway.to the person who asked my age, I am 19. Although she told me her mom got married at the age of 19. in fact, my girlfriend's mom and dad started dating when she was only 16. So it sounds like another one of these "sure, I did it, but I don't want you doing it" things.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 January 2012):
 are you 18 or 21?
because if my 17 yr old daughter was dating a 21 yr old man I'd not be thrilled... to be honest I have no issues with age gap but 17-21 is a big gap whereas 21-25 is not such a big gap.
so biding your time might be a best bet here.
her mother has a vailid point.. what will you do if she ends up going to college that is far away? how will you cope with her sending you texts and pictures of all the friends and fun she's having without you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): First you need to sit down with her and her parents and tell them that you are dating an that you don't appreciate them trying to set her up with someone else, second, she or you need to tell this guy that the parents are interfering an giving false hope to him. I know how you feel, my mums been trying to set me up with this guy for 5 years, u need to stop these control freaks before they ruin your relationship.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 January 2012):
 Here are my calming words: Don't worry about it....
Good luck...
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