A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently, my girlfriend of two years told me we needed to go on a break. Currently we have a LDR; we go to different colleges, but live in the same hometown so we get to spend our summers/holidays together. I suppose its not that long of a distance since our colleges are about 3 hours away, but it still means we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like.We both agreed we've been growing apart lately and after much consideration of how to get back on track, she's decided it would be best to take a break for a month or so. She has lots of school work and extracurriculars as well as a sick grandma she's worried about. Even though this was not the solution I had in mind, I agreed to it because I want us to get better.However, there has been this guy she's known for a couple months at her school, and he's largely to blame for the distance between us. They became fast friends and all of sudden he got all of her attention. She would fail to call me on nights we had agreed we'd talk and catch up because she was hanging with him. Now he admits to her that he has feelings for her, and a week later she decides we need to take a break.I don't know what to make of it. We haven't talked in about 3 days (not a single text, facebook post, nothing) and its killing me. Before we took the break I told her I had uneasy feelings about this guy telling her he had fallen for her, yet she assured me he's just a friend and she needs to take the time for herself.I want to believe her so badly, yet I'm afraid if I put this trust in her, she'll just hurt me. I'm still rewinding in my head how things got like this. It seemed like one moment we were happy and talking every day and laughing together, then this guy shows up, gives her all the attention she used to need from me, and she decides on a break. We were so in love and so happy together. She's been my girlfriend for 2 years, but my best friend since high school. I don't want things to end and I care for her more than anything (and she knows this; I show it to her every chance I get)What would you do? I don't want to invade her space when she really thinks she needs it, yet I'm worried that us not talking for months will only bring her closer to this guy and further from me. Any advice would be wonderful, thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for the input.
Reader anonymous: That does sound exactly like the situation she's in. She is having a lot of family issues at home, plus because of all her recent time commitments, her grades have been slipping and she needs to get those back on track. I just hope you're right in saying she does need time. I've asked her about this guy before, and she says even though he has feelings for her she wouldn't date him; she also added that if anything ever happened to us she wouldn't be able to date anyone for a long time. I just really hope that's true and that she is taking this time for herself and not to be with him.
Reader Male Anonymous: That's a bit of a downer. I honestly think there is a option #3 in which she truly is taking the time to get better. We've been so close for so long. We've been great friends since high school (almost 6 years) and have been dating for 2. We always share everything and have always had a wonderful, loving relationship.
However, I can't help but see these changes in her. She's just seemed a lot colder lately and I wish I knew how to fix it. Right now I'm just waiting. Its killing me, but I'm waiting.
Thanks again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): When they say they want a break or need space it usually means one of a few things:
1. She just doesn't want to be with you anymore and is trying to let you down easy.
2. She has found a new love interest.
If it is #2 and she is still talking to you and saying that she might want to get back together then it means she is keeping you for a back up plan incase the new love interest doesn't work out. As her outright if she is seeing him (or someone else) and then end it if she is. Seize the initiative.
It might be for other reasons but these are the most common reasons and I always go with the common. If you hear hoof beats in Texas, think horses not zebras.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): Im sort of where your gf is now. I recently asked for a break and at the same time met a new guy at work who has feelings for me. But honestly, I just felt like I needed space. We were having problems for a while and they weren't getting any better. Plus I have a lot to deal with with school and work and family stress so I can understand what your gf is going through. If she really loves you, she wont do anything with this other guy. I love my boyfriend and can't imagine being with anyone else, I just need some time to myself to clear my head. Give her some time, if she loves you she will come back. If not, then move on to someone who will love you as much as you love them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. First of all, we decided to get together and talk during Thanksgiving break when we're both home. Our houses are literally two minutes away, so we have always had nice summers with lots of time together. She said that she still wants to stay in touch during our break (call every now and again to say hi) but she hasn't called yet. I figured I'd let her make the first move to show I'm respecting her space.
For one thing, I'm fairly certain this isn't a "see other people" break. She's not that type of person and I know she would probably break it off completely before seeing someone else. However, my fear is mainly that she won't miss me or be able to reconnect with me with this guy constantly around (they have extracurricular activities and classes together)
I just don't know what to do. I want so badly to drive up to her school this weekend and try and win her back, but at the same time she's the one who started this break, I want her to want to get back together. In my mind, we're still dating; just taking a few weeks of alone time... I just hope we're on the same page as far as that goes...
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 Did you specify the duration of this break? I see the factors of this being a LDR playing into this reason for this break as well as this new friend confessing his feelings. Of course she's confused, there's you who she has been with for so long but now it's a LDR and on the other hand there's this guy who is wanting to date her right in front of her face. So you're at a disadvantage here...
I would give her the space that she wants, however she's got this other guy in her ear I'm assuming she's not spacing herself from him either because they're friends. Text her and ask her how long is this break going to last, it's fair for her to give you a deadline, make a suggestion that you will respect the space, but how about you take 2 weeks and then make contact to see where she is at in her thoughts. In your defense, it's not right for her to keep you hanging. At the max I would wait around for a month, anything longer than that then consider it over.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): I smell a break being used as a technicality loophole for cheating.
Is this a break that allows seeing other people or not? The cheating technicality works because of that misunderstanding.
Talk to her. See if she will agree that neither of you are supposed to actually start seeing other people during this "break" period. If she resists verbally agreeing to that in clear language, then you have your answer about what she is really up to.
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