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writes: My Father died 14 years ago and when he did I lost all ties with his side of our family as they no longer wanted to accept my Mother as part of their Family. Recently, however I got back in touch with one of my cousins who is the same age as me. We started hanging out together as friends and last week decided we really like each other as more than friends. He is finding it difficult though as he doesn't want to upset the Family (of which I am now no longer part of). He wants some time to think and it's really upsetting me as I don't know what I can say to him to get him to see that we should be together becuase we like each other so much and not to worry what the family think as they have rejected me and can't then call me family again beacuse it suits them! We live in the UK so it's not illegal for us to be together.Any advice?
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reader, jrs +, writes (11 May 2005):
wow. thats a tough one. first off i know it is not illegal to be with your cousin, however, i bet the damage will be just as severe. most people do not date their cousins. if you two were together just think for a minute about what your families would say. he might be afraid that he will be disowned or threatened. same could happen to you. are you willing to live under scrutinty just because you have feelings for a family member? unless you think that he is "the one", you are better off not getting into that. you could date and in a month not have feelings for each other anymore. there is no going back on something like this, it will follow you forever. I say you start going out and try to meet other people and not talk to this cousin of yours for awhile. keep your distance for awhile and then see how you are doing. its best to just keep it as a harmless crush. there is someone special out there waiting for you.
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