A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I have been broken up since March. We still act as if we are a couple. We talk everyday, hang out, speak on the phone, say I love you and still are 100%faithful to one another.However, there has been alot of ups and downs and uncertainty on his part. When i leave him alone, he comes back saying he is lost without me and wants to make things work. However, he says that we are different, i dont have a sense of humor and we have diff. personalities.I've tried to move on, but its always coming back to us in the end. A couple of weeks ago, he told me to leave him alone. And i did and he ended up coming back and realizing that he wants me and feels incomplete when im not there. He said he wants to make things work but doesnt know. He says alot of things I do annoy him, and he doesnt want me to go through this, because its like he is bipolar, one day he wants to be with me the next he doesnt bc he questions alot of things. He just wants to be sure he isnt gonna drive himself crazy overanalyzing the things I do. He needs to see that nothing in life is perfect, people have their flaws and our differences balances each other out. He is almost 26 years old, and lives in a shore house with 3 immature 25 yr olds who all they want to do is party and meet girls. He knows what he has, but at the same time, I feel like he is afraid of commitment.It is my birthday tomorrow, and I want nothing more than go to bed with the certainty that he is back in my life for good. I cant take it going to be wondering if he will still be here or not.What do I say or do to make him realize what he has?He obviously doesnt want to let me go, and I know he wants this. Its just hard.. I just need to have a good birthday and know what I have in life.
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female
reader, dreamingwithabrokenheart +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Honey, I still stand by my previous answer. YOu are being dragged around like a yo-yo and being hurt in the process. It might feel good to be with him again for a while but then he goes and makes you feel shitty all over again - that can't be good, right?!? Like I said, you should give him the ultimatum. If you are going to continue to let yourself be pulled around by him and disregard the advice we have given you, please don't expect to be sympathized with anymore. Make a decision!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi..thanks for all your help.
yesterday was fine,he took me to dinner and bought me flowers..
however, with the weekend approaching,everything falls down again. its always an issue when asking to hang out on the weekends with him..always.
his friends,clubs and bars are more important
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A
female
reader, dreamingwithabrokenheart +, writes (14 May 2008):
You are at the point of issuing him an ultimatum. He is playing games with you. Both of you probably know that on some level you are different and don't work, but at the same time you both want to be together. Are the positives about him better than the negatives? or the reverse? If you want to date him still and you still love him, then tell him so, but if he says he doesn't want the commitment, tell him that it won't work because he is clearly acting like you are still in a relationship. It's all or nothing time, dear, and you have to put your foot down. You are going to be very badly hurt if you don't!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Why do you sound as if you have no back-bone? You say he keeps going back and forth, yet you let him. You are being an enabler for him not either staying with you, or moving away from you for good.
Tell him that if he leaves again, that's it, and stick to it. Do you really want him to continually do this for however many years?
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A
female
reader, chihuahua1274 +, writes (14 May 2008):
 wow he sounds confused.if you wanna get back yogether with him just go up to him next time you see him and say "i want you in my life and i will make a commitment to you do u want to get back together." if he says no then say" your out of my life forever so forget about ever getting back together" or if he says yes then say" are you sure you are committed" i think you can take it from there. if you dont want him any more simply tell him i dont like you i have no feelings for you so goodbye i am only 12 so its not too good but you decide thankkksss
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Hi.I'm going through a similar situation and I'm going to tell you about it not because I'm focusing on me, but because it may help you.My ex and I had an awesome relationship. When we were together, we were GREAT. There were a lot of outside factors to our time together, though (i.e. he has kids etc) and it wasn't the right time for me to meet them.He broke up with me 3x throughout the past several months. Each time, within a short period of time, he called me back, asking that I take him back because "he'll never do it again" and that's he just having a hard time. Of course, each time...I did because I felt he was sincere, I felt loved and adored, and everyone makes mistakes. Ultimately, I ended up being a yo-yo. My life would get wrecked each time he would come around and then leave again.Even though we are broken up...I just took him out for his birthday on Friday night. Naturally, I didn't hear from him again. Well, until he's called me 3x this morning. I have not answered...no matter how many "i love you's" are in his messages.I've FINALLY realized that anyone who doesn't want to be a consistent part of my life doesn't deserve what I have to offer them. I don't deserve to be jerked all over the place just because he can't make his mind up.One day...he will realize what he's lost and he may regret it (or may not). Either way, I need to look out for myself because he clearly isn't and no one else will.Same in your situation. I know you love him. I know you love being with him...and especially on a special day like your Birthday. But, do what's best for YOU. If you can't take being jerked around anymore...then put an end to it. Also, you'll feel much better ending it if it's on your terms and not his.Even if you have to make yourself extremely busy by exercising, reading, painting pottery or whatever...just do it. Use this time to live it up (though you may not want to do it without him).Best of luck. I sympathize with ya.And, have a HAPPY birthday!!!
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