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male
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anonymous
writes: I am a 20 year old single straight guy and am confused about my friendship with my (male) best-friend. We always have a good laugh together, enjoy each others' company, share problems etc. etc, and I feel like I can speak openly with him about anything at all. Over the last year or so, however, we have become so close that I find myself thinking about him all of the time. I miss him when we're apart and often find myself thinking, "this would be so much better if he was here" when I'm with my other friends. I am beginning to wonder if I have fallen in love with him. The most confusing thing is that recently we have started play-flirting, hugging and petting each other in a way that really isn't normal between two straight guys. And yet I'm not sexually attracted to him at all. We refer to it openly sometimes, jokingly, "We really have to stop this homosexual behavior". But the idea of us doing anything sexual disgusts me, even though we will hug, pet, etc. and I 'enjoy' his physical presence. I think he feels the same, though I know he doesn't think about me as much as I, him. I am completely confused. I don't want a 'relationship' with my best-friend and am tired of these 'lovestruck' feelings I have for him, all of the time. Neither do I think I'm one of these people who's 'gay but doesn't realise it'. I want to stay his friend, though. Discussing this with him would be incredibly uncomfortable. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): I am honestly going to give you the best answer and I it's not medical at all. Are you ready? Get drunk (both of you) and discuss it with him.
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (13 September 2005):
 Great answer from Pops. As time goes on you will both find girlfriends but hopefully you will keep the closeness and the friendship you have developed. Keep it platonic! Maybe take some time apart, too.
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reader, pops +, writes (13 September 2005):
There is nothing wrong with having strong feelings for your best friend. But, if you don't know the difference between loving a man and loving a woman( emotionally, not physically), then you do have a problem. Most of us are lucky enough to have close relationships with a buddy or two during our lives. We care about them, their feelings, and miss them when we are apart. We prefer to do activities that include them before other people. We are comfortable around our buddies, and trust them implicitely. If you ever served in the military and were in a battle, you would find yourself bonded to the men in your squad, and plattoon in ways that almost no one else could understand. But, that is not LOVE, in the same way that you fall in love with a woman. How about stopping the obsessing over your buddy, and get on with life. Count your blessings that you have a friend that feels much the same about you, and that the relationship has lasted. With luck, and hard work, you may have a friend for life.
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A
female
reader, susu  +, writes (13 September 2005):
hey, friendships at our age can be a difficult thing, we may sometimes have problems with our family at school at work and then that special friend pops up and makes things alright again. i for instance have been in a situation where i like to hug my best friend and feel my body close to her im no lesbian for sure and i have a healthy relationship with guys but i think its a kind of gesture to show that we care for one another. sometimes words are hard to come out and other times they just dont express enough. i think youre perfectly normal but there has always ben this theory that males should not show affection or weakness dont cry hide your feeling all that *&^* and your just trying to keep up with that theory.
i say good on you for being an open minded and hearted guy a good friend is hard to find and dreadful to lose.
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