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female
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anonymous
writes: Thanks for the quick reply on my question I posted last month! Well I took your advice and feel soo much better for it! The guy friend (I had at work) had promised to just be a "friend" but then he started flirting with me through e-mail and I told him I wouldn't be talking to him anymore and I haven't since. Thanks for the great advice. The bad news is me and my ex-fiance' are still "just friends". I recently bought this e-book on how to get your ex back. It's called "How to Get Him/Her Back" by this Lady Diva Rebecca. I bought it because I am willing to go really far to get the love of my life back in my life. Well the advice in the book recommends I not call my ex for a minimum of 2 weeks! And if he calls me, to not answer. But, if I accidently call him, I should act really nice, ask how he is doing, but keep it short and say I am "super busy" and tell him that I will call him back (even sound a little disappointed that I can't talk to him) but NOT call him back. It is called a "cooling off" period. Do you think this is playing games? Also, do you think it's being immature and unfair to my ex and do you think this behavior could backfire on me? See, I was going to try it for only 1 week because we have talked EVERY DAY (almost) since the day we broke up (we are still very close) and also, we live on 5 minutes away from one another so I see him around all the time. What would you suggest I do? I am buying all of these books on how to improve communication and behavior in relationships, so in case we get back together, we will get along better and I will treat him the way he should have always been treated. It's important you should know that I've never cheated on him. He's never cheated on me, we just became a little distant and I was a little codependent on him and him on me as well. I just really kind of took him for granted; always thought he'd be there, ya know? Please write back with some advice for what I should do to try and get my ex interested in giving us another chance. Thanks!
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female
reader, Lovephobia  +, writes (18 May 2007):
my bf of 3 years decided to break up because he didn't feel loving me as much as he did before and he felt that I may not be the one. Another reason is (not quite sure) that he started to talk to his EX (first love) 2 months ago (they broke up 6 years ago) and went to see her. He said he might still have feelings for her even though he's not sure they would be back together.
After 2 weeks not contacting each other, he wrote an email and apologized for the harsh words that he said on the day we broke up but he insisted that the break up is good for both of us. I thought about myself being in this relationship, I was, like you mentioned, a bit dependent and did not give enough for him. (I was kinda a taker, I guess) He was really a nice person so I still want to try to get him back. He suggested that being friends and hang out sometime, but I can feel that he's over with it. I have since read many articles about getting back with EX. One phrase catches me: If you can make him feel really really happy, he will not leave you because no one rejects happiness. It sounds simple but to acheive it is not that easy! I decide that I will be a confident girl in front of him and set up my goals to make every moments happy for him when we are out together. Don't mention the past or nag about yourself...don't know if that works,,,It also takes a lot of patience to bring him back, I guess...because winning a person's trust back is not happening in few days or few weeks. I think the process of bringing ex back can also test yourself that if you really love this person or not, maybe you'll give up in the middle because you find it is not worth it.
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reader, schlottjl +, writes (13 September 2005):
 The reason you need to give it two weeks min. is because distance makes the heart grow fonder, if possible anyway. The games begin if you "accidently" call and then act busy and hang up quickly. Do everything in your power to let him breathe a bit. You too!
If you do run into him and/or accidently call him, tell him what you are up to if you want. Explain what you told us. Just don't lie or get in contact, just to show you are busy. You absolutely should act friendly, for the rest of your life no matter what happens.
If you two broke up on good terms and are talking daily, I am not sure why you are still broken up. If he is not interested in getting back together, it is not playing games to better yourself or to make an initial try at it. It is playing games to act artificial just to get him back.
However, you know yourself. If you are sure you will act desperate and don't want to make a fool of yourself, I advocate a "fake it till you make it" policy. That is just taking control of your life.
Fine line but a line none the less.
BTW good for you on your actions so far. You deserve him back if you are not forgetting that he treated you poorly in the past. (Very easy to do.)
If he has a new bad impression of your character because of the distance you two experienced prior to your break up, remember that it takes two. Even if one of you cheated, the relationship should not be so easy to crumble so soon, particularly if you were engaged.
Many believe that any problems are a sign of the other person not "being the one". In reality, it is the one contimplating the situation not acting or "being the one".
There is no such thing as the one because it implies that they will meet your needs and complete your life. Impossible. And every couple eventually figures that out and copes or blames to other for lying. If he is against trying again for this reason alone, be ready to give him endless weeks because that attitude is not healthy for you. If it continued it is even emotional abuse as it blames and is conceited.
So, give him a bit of space and then when you initiate contact be ready to talk and do it in a safe and intimate place. If he is moving on already, consider your self lucky because he was no where near ready for commitment.
You are on the right track and no matter what, with your new skills you are building, you will be the one for someone soon who deserves your healthy attitude.
good luck!
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (13 September 2005):
 Ok, I dont know why you and your ex broke up in the first place but if its anything to do with trust issues then I dont think its wise that you try to get back with him. And yes, what's recommended in the book really is mind games, and its basically playing on the idea that your ex will want what he cant get, thus the playing hard to get bit!! However, when these books tell you that you are guaranteed to get your ex back, you know thats a LIE!!! Because being human beings as we are, it is never possible to say that we will all react similar to a particular situation. But a majority will, thats what these books are trying to say. Whether or not your ex falls for it and decides to come running back to your arms, depends on him and only him alone!! A good way Ive always recommended to people who want their exes back is to better yourself whilst the break up period. You see, it really does work. If you better yourself and focus only on yourself, itll possibly trigger your ex to think that maybe he's losing out on something here!! Also, it will also help you be less clingy towards him, which is a double bonus!! Oh and one more thing, this isnt a mind game of any sort, its just putting yourself first, so you dont have to worry if it backfires. If anything, itll only help you move on!! Take care and I hope everything pans out as you hoped for.
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