A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, so this has been troubling me and my girlfriend for some time now. I have had sex with one girl before. and she's a virgin.We're both 16, and have been dating for a half year now, and we just can't have sex.When we were dating for 2 months, we tried, and failed.Let me explain a little further...So I get her aroused by oral and foreplay to the clitoris for probably around 10 minutes. Sometimes 15, sometimes 20 minutes. And I put on the condom (lubricated, generic trojan condom) and put it at the opening of her vagina, I always take it verrrrry slowly but with less than 1/2 of an inch in she yells "Ouch!" and the pain is too unbearable to take. She starts to tear up and I feel terrible. And I would never make her do anything she's not 100% comfortable doing, so I ask if she wants to stop, and she says yes, so we stop.I frequently ask her if she's sure, if she's ready, if she's okay or needs to change position or anything, and it just doesn't work.We've tried probably 3 different positions, and tried 6-8 times.She's never bled, and the most I ever got in was the head of the penis.I can't finger her because it hurts too much even when I arouse her orally before. I can't even fit my pinky finger inside! Although, ONE time I was able to finger her all the way with my pointer finger, and she enjoyed it and it was uncomfortable, but didn't hurt her at all. But when I pulled it out, and tried to put it back in, she said it hurt.We're both ready mentally, but can't psycally have sex. Please, we both are ready and love each other very much and we would REALLY like to have sex.Any advice on how to make it work? Maybe to make it hurt less?
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clitoris, condom, foreplay, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): That's a weird one. Obviously difficult to be sure but it sounds like all this pain is only in her head. She seems to be involuntarily mentally rejecting the idea of penetrative sex for some reason. Maybe something in her head is telling her "No" for whatever reason - bad experience in the past perhaps?
Obviously, this is just an idea to consider. Maybe there is a more tangible medical reason. Try both visiting a family planning unit (if you have such a thing over there) and discuss with an expert.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): she might have something wrong with her inside you need to check it out,once that happened to me and i got it checked out, the doctorgave me something to cure it,then i was happy and able to have sex, it might sound embarrasing but you might have to see someone,i did and now im4 mounths pregnant and happy as ever, love danielle age 18
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEdit: She doesn't masterbate at all, and she doesn't use tampons (only pads) because tampons hurt her too much. Maybe she has a low pain tolerance threshold? I don't know what to do. Help!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): let see..
maybe shes not ready and you shouldnt arouse her because then she'll feel bad. Maybe shes not sure your gonna stick with her, and you cant really say anything or do anything about that. You guys need time. give it a year relationship maybe more. she'll let u know when shes ready.
And it really sounds like YOUR the one who wants to have sex really bad.
sit her down and truthfully ask her if she wants to have sex, and tell her to answer it honestly. And if your a good bf you'll be okay with the fact she says no.
I say, you should give it time and dont rush into things.
It sounds like shes not ready to give up her virginity to you.
and tell her if she is ready to have sex that it will hurt. no matter what. it depends how tense or worried she is. Sex the first time will probably hurt since your stretching her vagina.
please be pacient.
and caring.
if you love her you'll wait for her to be ready.
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