A
male
age
51-59,
*opper
writes:Hello,A couple of days ago, my ex-girlfriend (Girl-A) sent me a message through my Facebook account.Here is our background story: Girl-A and I dated for about six months, ten years ago. I broke up with her to date Girl-B, who later broke up with me. (Karma?). Having realized my poor choice of breaking up with Girl-A, I began a long period of lamentation. I sent her letters asking for her forgiveness, but not for her to take me back. I felt like I needed closure (go figure) with her; I wanted to know that she didn't hate me for what I did (selfish of me, I know). She never gave me that. When I got so frustrated by the non-communication, I threatened, in a letter (she had no e-mail then), to come to visit her. Soon after that, she called me and left a message on my answering machine, in a very calm tone, saying that she is seeing someone else and that she didn't think that it was a good idea that I come visit her. That was the end of all communication with her.Eventually, I found someone else, fell in love, got married, and now have a two-year-old child. I am happy with my wife and don't have any feelings for Girl-A. But I do admit to wondering sometimes what became of her. I do know that she is married because her last name has changed.So, now, she has e-mailed me through Facebook, asking me how I am doing and said that my kid is cute (from my profile picture) and asked if I still live in Blanktown. I decided to tell my wife about it, so that I would be honest with her, and myself. I admit that I am curious. However, my wife feels that Girl-A has a hidden agenda and she doesn't want me to write back, but is not demanding that I don't. Maybe, it is an innocent inquiry; now, with Facebook becoming so popular, it makes finding and contacting people so much easier than ever before.I have not sent a reply e-mail, and that is my dilemma. Should I write back to satisfy my curiosity? Should I write to her to tell her I'm doing well, and ask that she please not write to me, or just not even reply at all?Thank you in advance for your serious suggestions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): whether this woman has a hidden agenda or not does not matter. it is what you are going to do with this "contact". if you reply and then start exchanging messages "something" will be developing= this may just be friendship, perhaps 2 ex lovers just saying hi, or maybe the start of something more sinister, maybe an emotional affair, then the need to see each other (just as friends i may add0 and then wham bang out of control. you have seen it happening with other and have heard the stories. don't know whether to reply but be warned that sometimes all it takes is one phone call, one text message, one email. then the lies, the deceit start.
just my thoughts but then i overanalyse everything. how will the wife react when she finds out you made contact. think carefully.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 I think your wife is right, and Girl A has a hidden agenda. You should tell her you and your wife are fine and very happy and then tell her exactly what she told you 10 years ago: that you are seeing someone else (called a marriage) and she should probably not contact you anymore. Then remove her from facebook. The more you dally in communication with this woman, the more likely she is to screw up your marriage. I think she's probably restless in hers.
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious  +, writes (11 August 2009):
I suspect her getting in touch is just an innocent "I wonder how he is doing?" moment on her part. As you say, it is so easy to type names in to facebook and send a message that the temptation to look up names from the past is too much for many people to resist.
If your wife was ok with you replying but just a bit concerned about the situation then there would be no harm in doing so. I would be inclined to ensure that the reply mentioned just how happily married you are though!
However, I would suggest that in this instance your wifes feelings about it (even if they are mistaken) are far more important than your innocent curiosity. If by replying you are causing her upset in any way then it would be wrong of you to do so.
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