A
female
age
51-59,
*luelessgal
writes:I am 40, in a friendship type of marriage, and am also in a love affair with a married man, 50. I have allowed myself to get into this affair with the assumption he is in the same situation as I am.; a friendship type of marriage. During the course of our 10year affair, the wife suspected and has also keep a close eye on him, physically and financially. Not that he spent any money on me. Of coz the sex is fantastic compared to what I am already missing in my marriage. He said his wife is not interested in sex. Lately she has shown loving gesture to him eg inviting him out for meals which he accepted. He used to reject her invitation in the past as he does not want to hurt me. He will say I am no longer understanding if I show sadness or upset when he is with her. I cant help it, I am the jealous type (only with him) . Many times i reminded myself jealousy is unlike me at all. Ever since his wife suspected him over a year ago, we have reduce our meeting to once a week. No matter how many times i beg for twice a week, he will always say yes and yet i still get once a week to see him. I really miss him and am scared of losing him emotionally. We used to meet up everyday and we had a wonderful and happy relationship without any condition from both parties to seek divorce or leave spouse. It is a mutual understanding to leave families out of the affair. How do I know if he cares for me as much as I do for him? He has never showed any signs of jealousy. He travels alot too.
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affair, divorce, jealous, married man, money, not interested in sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cluelessgal +, writes (15 November 2010):
cluelessgal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI like to thank everyone for sharing their advise . I am so touch as I cant talk to my friends about this. Here, I feel I can seek the advise I need when I am at a lost.. Thank you all!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Firstly, you are assuming you know what sort of marriage he has. Secondly, you have absolutely no idea you are the only one he is seeing on the side. Thirdly, his 'need' for you has not (a) been enough for him to leave his marriage; and/or (b) communicate with you about your relationship with him.
I'd venture to guess that you are in the dark just as his wife is.
Just because your marriage isn't fulfilling, you shouldn't go shopping for a married side piece. Go get a single man and have a blast.
If you have to question whether a man has feelings for you after you've been having sex with him for 10 years... Well, I think you've answered your own question and don't need us.
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A
male
reader, Clithunter  +, writes (13 November 2010):
Well he wants his cake and his eating it he probably wont leave his marriage because he knows where to get his rocks off if things are not ok at home
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): but if he loved his wife why would he be cheating on her for 10 years with you? If he just likes excitement on the side why wouldn't he be chasing after lots of women rather than being with one woman consistently (i.e. you) for 10 years?
I think he is staying in his marriage out of guilt and fear. Guilt of feeling like a bad person for hurting her and tearing down her world if he seeks divorce. Fear of the turmoil and his own world crashing down that will happen if he divorces. Not that he loves her. He is limiting his time with you because she suspects and he wants to avoid his world crashing down and reputation being damanged
can you just talk to him honestly to ask him what's he's thinking and feeling? It sounds like you are very bothered by the situation and need answers. If you don't like what he has to say, I think the truth will still set you free. It's probably better to know the painful truth than to be guessing and over analyzing little things for clues and making stuff up in your mind forever.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 I don't think he's jealous because you are his little piece on the side, the dessert..and nothing more. Sounds like his wife and marriage still come first and more than likely always will. It sounds more like he loves his wife, but likes excitement. If he really loved you why wouldn't he try harder to make you happy? Leave his wife? He makes what time he has for you, no more. Doesn't that say it all right there?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): This man is telling u in no unceratin terms that his wife comes first.He is telling u that you mean so little to him that he barely has time for your once a week shenanigans.Your married lover is tired of thesecret life.Your married lover is speaking to u but you are choosing to ignore his words. Its time to focus on your own marriage, either get out or stay but be faithful. Your lover is finished with you.LoveGirl
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