| A
age
30-35,
*
writes: Hey--My boyfriend and I have been together about 3 months. We were best friends before we got together, and I've liked him for 2 years. We fell in love faster than I could ever imagine--I didn't believe in love in high school, but now I'm a believer, hahaha!So, about a month ago we broke up for 1 day because we had had a fight and my bf couldn't deal with the fact that he had made me cry. He quickly realized that a breakup wasn't what either of us wanted. We then got back together. Ever since our breakup, I definitely have less trust of him. It seems to have drawn him more to me, but it's made me scared of getting hurt again. This is my best friend, and the prospect of losing him is almost unbearable. We both have crazy high school schedules, and lately, we genuinely haven't had time to spend together, and we have both agreed that that's a problem. (We're 15, and we don't intend to have sex until marriage.)Getting to my actual questions:1. How do I overcome this obstacle of trust?2. When I say I love him, it seems his family is always around so he won't say it back, and it bothers me. We've talked about this too, what can I do?3. What should we do about our lack of time together?4. How can I show him that I love him, but not going too far physically?Sorry for all this--thanks for reading!-GG
View related questions:
a break, best friend, broke up, fell in love, got back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): i wouldn't say that you're NOT in love…where in the rule book does it say that you have to be a certain age or have a certain amount of life experience in order to fall in love…however, a few years down the road you may look back on this experience and realize that maybe you weren't…anyways,
1. trust issues– don't expect TOO much from him, guys aren't always dependable in the way girls want them to be…esp. when they're only 15 years old…have fun while you can without expecting that you're gonna get married and stay together forever…just take it as another life experience…and if and when you finally call it quits just take it as another valuable life experience
2. saying "I love you"- he make love you, but doesn't feel comfortable or sure enough to set it yet…that's a BIG step…let alone a step he could take in front of his family…girls need to say "i love you" and hear it from day to day…guys can say it once and that's enough…for them, they say it once or through their actions lets you know that they do…to them, why should they have to say it again and again…so back off a bit w/ the "i love yous" i'm sure he cares about you, so you don't want to scare him away
3. lack of time together…i agree w/ rhythm and blues…too much time can be a bad thing…and for you guys…chances are that now that he has you as a girlfriend he may be taking you for granted…he may feel overwhelmed and like he has no "me time"…give him some space…for 15…i'd say once or twice a week at minimum
4. showing him you love him– i don't think that guys…esp young ones…need this same sort of reassurance that girls do…don't over-evaluate your relationship like oh so many women do…and constantly remind yourself that men think differently than women and have different wants and needs
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been told that before, that we aren't really in love, but to me, that's what it is. I probably AM wrong, but I forgot to mention that HE used to say he loves me more often than I did. I tried to compensate and keep up and I really dot think it's an excuse, but again, maybe I'm wrong. And I'm sorry to seem so dramatic, but I've gotten contrasting advice from a lot of people... I tried to condense about 8 months into a few paragraphs, hahaha!And I do appreciate the advice! (I'm not like getting all offended, I mean.)But I don't really know what to take from it, because we had free time for the first month, and we (he) seriously have NOT had time in a month and a half, but we were together almost every single day BEFORE we got together. So that's what I'm used to. Again, sorry for the drama!And thank you!-GG
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): Ok, calm down drama queen (winks) You have only been dating 3 months. What you are feeling is not real love (sorry to burst your bubble) What you are feeling is a combination of lust and infatuation, and that is OK, it's normal, but you are not in love...you are in intense infatuation.
What you need to do is take a step back and stop being so pressurizing of the entire situation. He does not need to be telling you he loves you back after only 3 months....he is using his family being around as an excuse....if you keep pressuring him, he is going to run away...it is too soon to know if you are going to be in love, right now you really really like each other and are physically attracted.
You need not be concerned about how to "show him you love him without being physical". And your concern about not being able to spend enough time with him is a blessing in disquise. One way to kill attraction of a new relationship (and yes yours is new after only 3 months of dating) is too spend too much time together. It is best to keep doing the activities that you did before you met him. After all, that is what attracted him to you in the first place is that you had a life and interests of your own...so do not expect to replace this with time with your boyfriend, because if you do, he will lose interest and feel pressure that you think he is responsible for your happiness. ONly you are responsible for your own happiness.
In short, chill out and relax....take your time and get to know him. Friendship is the foundation for a romantic relationship, so continue being his friend and everything will be OK.
Have fun.
...............................
|
