A
female
age
51-59,
*ellowdancer
writes:i have been with my bf for 4years now sex was never really a big part of our relationship but things are now so bad he dosnt even kiss me or hold me he says its became habbit and he's been getting his kicks from porn i'm a very good looking gal never short of attention from other guys but this has made me feel so unattractive and ugly i have begged him told him how i feel each time he tells me it be okay but it never is each week goes by i feel worse we are ment to be moving in with each other and getting married oh and he asked me he tells me each day he loves me etc is this bull, can someone love you but find you unattractive, i do love him but god this is horrible and weird to me i cant understand why he says no he finds me sexy i dont want to end it we like soul mates get on great but what choice do i have he isnt doing anything about it or wants to, please help xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): I am sure he does love you, men don't ask women to marry them if they aren't in love. I'm afraid your man could have a condition that will make your future with him very shaky.There is a plague on the rise called sex addiction or more specific to your man, porn/masturbation addiction. This is not something easily cured and will leave you unsatisfied in this relationship. Do not marry this man unless you know for sure! You can find answers at npsupport.net.I hope that this isn't the case, really. But having done extensive research into the issue, I can tell you it sure does sound like this is the problem. He probably doesn't even understand that his sexuality has been hijacked by porn, it kind of sneaks up on guys from an innocent habit born in their teen years.Many people on this site will tell you this is all b.s., but I am guessing they are speaking from personal experience and not an educated view point. It is a proven fact, not a anti-porn hypothesis. Just as there are people that can drink alcohol and not become alcoholics, there are people that can use porn and it not be addicting or life altering..but for those individuals who are affected by this, it robs their healthy sexuality and replaces it with a secret and hidden lifestyle of self-gratification.Be observant and read up on the subject before you approach him about this, he is probably not aware of or in denial about what has happened. I must say also, this has nothing to do with your attractiveness, it is his problem. He could be married to a porn star and still masturbate, that's how serious this is. Best of luck to you.
A
female
reader, lilly123 +, writes (3 August 2008):
 You should not get married when you are this unhappy you should be with someone who you no wants you in every way.Sex is pretty important it shows that the person desires us, but couples have problems talk to him make it very clear how you feel spend as much time as you can together going out and having fun and if things dont change you should think about ending it. you deserve to feel loved and wanted!you cannot marry someone who does not make you feel that way. Good luck!
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