A
female
age
41-50,
*tarrynights
writes:I met a guy, weve been on a kinda date.talking lots , drinking wine and end the end of it we got intimate.The night was amazing, we got on with lots of things in common. He would make references to the future like when u see my flat... and il take you to xxx one day etc.I txt him the next day to see he was ok. he replied and at the end said see ya soon!not quite sure what to make of that. I would like to see him again but not sure as to how he is feeling although based on the night alone, it would suggest he was.its been two days and there hasnt been any contact. is it possible that he doesnt know how i feel or that he just isnt interested?what does see ya soon mean?also i happened to tell him that i had a job interview in another country coming up. could this be something hes picked up on.Not used to interpreting stuff like this. any one with a clue? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 My philosophy is..... DO NOT SLEEP WITH A PERSON UNTIL YOU KNOW THEIR SEXUAL HISTORY AND THAT HE/SHE HAS BEEN FULLY CHECKED OUT IN THE STD CLINIC.
Otherwise You Reap of what you sew.
A
female
reader, Katrien  +, writes (7 June 2008):
I dated a man like that...He kinda planned lots of things and seemed to include me.When WE have a house one day, where do you want it...When WE go up the west coast next, we have to stay at this great place I know by the beach...When I buy a motorbike next it has to be big enough for BOTH of us...Which type of school do you want OUR children to go to...And then we had sex, and he disappeared!It took me longer to get over the illusion of what we had (because of this life-together dream that he built), than what actually was....
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 "It is also possible not to sleep with a guy and he doesn't see you again."
Well! What can you say to that?
Good riddance!. LOL!
Your case could be the minority.
Even if you sleep with the guy on the first date,
there is no guarantee that he will be around or call you again.
If there is no chemistry , even sex also cannot save that relationship.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Every guy is different. In some ways sex on a first date can round of a lovely evening. It can be nice to get the first time over with, so you can relax into the relationship itself.
It is also possible not to sleep with a guy and he doesn't see you again.
Believe it or not we slept together on the first date, and we are married!
I guess all sitations are different.
I agree that a one night stand wouldn't involve much chat. It is important to differentiate between that and if you would see eachother again.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (6 June 2008):
Men like challenges and if a girl sleeps on the first date, she is a pushover and not a worthy target.
Men are like hunters and it is the chase that is thrilling and not the capture of the prey.
When the prey or target is captured, it is the end of the game .
They will look for another game.
Further more, if the girl sleeps on the first date,
his impressions of her is very low,
He will think that she will sleep with every Tom Dick or Harry.
She becomes cheap in his eyes.
No doubt , this is the modern times ,but many men have not
evolved and they still have this Neanderthal minds.
The harder the challenge, the more they value the girl.
It involves alot of his skills in hunting her down .
This makes him feel proud of his achievements.
You are entitled to think that way but you need to be aware that men don't think like you.
It is a different world.
Caveat Emptor
This is just my general opinions only.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I had an incident recently, I met a girl once then arranged a date...at the end of the date we ended back at my house, and as bad as it sounds I had no interest to see her afterwards, she texted me etc and I didnt know how to get out of having to see her again as I dont feel I want to....Now dont get me wrong I generally dont have one night stands and have a huge amt of respect for women....and I truly can not for the life of me explain why I felt like taht....but I suppose pyschologically something clicks in a fair amt of men about women who do "put out" on the first date. Of course it is a special moment you both enjoy etc....but sometimes the theory can also go that why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I mean I dont know....it is of course different for different people. But I think there are alot of guys that do loose interest if a girl puts out on the first night...Anyway good luck
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Hi,
I understand what you are saying and there may be a cultural element here, in that I found the Dutch to be very liberal in their sexual values (yeehaa!) whenever I spent time there.
Now I would never assume a girl was unworthy if she slept with me on the first date, only because it ...well it just seems insane to think less of someone if they share an intimate moment with you - it takes two to tango and all that.
But the reality of the situation is that for a lot of men they do believe that if sex occurs in the first date then the girl is not worthy. Personally I believe if a guy thinks like that the girl is much better off without him anyway. But still that is the cold hard reality.
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A
female
reader, starrynights +, writes (5 June 2008):
starrynights is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your response. He has txt back and we have arranged another date.
What i find interesting about this thread though is the difference in opinion of sleeping with someone on the first date.
Women are more sexually liberated now and guys know that. women should be just as open with sexual desire and need as men are.
Ive known instances of women who have dated for a while and finally when they did have sex, he loses interest.
In my instance, the guy didnt even climax on the first night and he didnt seem to bothered about that. I think its unfair to think that all men are glory hunters after that one selfish thing. Sometimes it just feels right to go ahead and be intimate because its the perfect way to end a perfect evening. It has nothing to do with disrespecting your body or yourself. You shouldnt give men the power of robbing your dignity just because hes had sex with you. as long as you consent you own that as a choice that you have made.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (5 June 2008):
There is nothing wrong with sleeping with guys on the first date, if that is what you want. But don't expect to live happily ever after, it rarely happens. Its obvious he has got what he wants from you and has had it on his toes.
Q. Are you looking for a serious relationship?
If the answer is yes, then make sure you date a guy for a good long while and make him work for it before you guys get intimate.
It is the same with women, if we feel that the guy is desperate for sex so early on the relationship, it is basically all they are after and I do not parade that way, because I have R-E-S-P-E-C-T for my body.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Sorry, but if the guy was truly into you, he would have called.
Don't worry about if you had sex with him too fast. It happened, you enjoyed it, and that's that.
Give it a couple days again, and if he doesn't call, then chalk it up as a learning experience, and move on to bigger and better.
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A
female
reader, starrynights +, writes (5 June 2008):
starrynights is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks alot for your answers.
Interesting to see the different perspectives.
Collaroy, i am chilled thank you. :)
Normally meet guys who are more straight forward.
Actually im amazed that that there is still this belief that if you sleep with someone on the first date, the guy could lose interest. What does it matter if you sleep together on the first night or 2 weeks later? How much more do you get to know someone in 2 weeks really? I think it comes down to knowing the difference between a one night stand and someone who is looking for a relationship.
And one night stands normally dont involve that much talking! just plenty of alcohol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I would say that judging by your conversation with him and the way things were between the two of you, that he is interested, but is probably trying to "play it cool" with the whole not replying thing. We all do it...the longer it takes us to reply the less desperate we seem and the more it keeps the other person interested!!! Its all mind games. Its good fun though! See ya soon does imply he would like to see you soon! I think he will text soon enough. I'de give it another day or two then if you've still heard nothing send him a simple text to see how he is, and see what happens...
But of course, some people are just out to get what they can, and as you got intimate pretty early on its hard to say what his real motives were... Hopefully he's not that kind of guy. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (5 June 2008):
Hi,
I think you need to chill out just a little bit mate. You are over analysing everything, picking apart every word said for hidden meanings.
It's only been two days, guys can take longer to put their shoes on.
Seriously though, he sounds like he is interested in you, so give him another couple of days and call him !
I hope he isnt one of these guys who lose interest if you sleep with them on the first date. They are still out there I believe disguised as regular guys.
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