A
male
age
51-59,
*eorge4689
writes:I'm 43 and I'm dating a 30 year old lady from Ireland for about 8 month's now . Things got off to a brilliant start we met at a gathering we had sort of similar friends , were introduced and got talking . I thought she one of the most preetiest girls i'd ever seen because she had natural beauty and a wonderful smile and gorgeous accent .She was in the USA about 3 years when we met . Now the girl isn't as successful as i am , not trying to be mean but she is an Elementary teacher whilst i own a huge company. I am really stable financially and her age suited me for the fact she is only 30 which meant i could have kids . I really love her It's not that i was trying to buy her love i simply wanted to make her a happy woman ,I wanted her to move in with me everything , I was just crazy about her . She didn't seem interested in how i owned a massive company , it did hurt me but what hurt me more was she never excepted any gifts i bought her i never understood why , i'd buy her really expensive things and she would just say it's lovely but i can't take it and i'd have to beg her a thousand times to wear it or take it .Everyone used to comment on what a lovely couple we were and how we were perfect and seemed so in love so then 2 weeks ago when the time was right i took her out for dinner and proposed to her she said yes which made me incredibly happy . We then got drunk and had sex , next morning she began constantly asking me how much the ring was , I didn't want to tell her and when i told her she just put her hand to her head and said things like ''i never listen''.... ''why did i do that '' ...and kept saying how she feels ackward which i didn't get . She then told me she couldn't do it anymore and gave me the ring and just won't talk to me . She left everything i ever bought her here everything ! and now she won't answer my calls at all . Why is she acting like this??? I just don't understand why she is being so mean because she told me she loved me , we both had simular plans in life , she wanted kids and i could give her kids we could have a wonderful family and life together but she is acting so weird and i don't understand what the heck is up with her . I know where she is staying as a friend told me but i feel i don't know what to say as i did really nothing wrong . What should i do to get her to come back to me ? and why is she acting like this? I love her very much and i can't stop thinking of her , shes the nicest most down to earth person i have ever met and shes perfect I think . I need advice on what to do?And for those of you who say's she has another man she dosen't i'd like to make that clear
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012): She is well aware that there is a huge income gap between you and her. some people (even if they are women) don't like that their partner makes so much more money than them. It can make them feel awkward or like they you are "one up" on them in the relationship because the shared lifestyle (economically speaking) will be determined by you. It can make her feel insecure if she feels she is going to be financially dependent on you because you're making 99% of the money in the relationship.
She may also think that you're flaunting your wealth or exerting power over her by doing this. Indeed, you yourself seem to buy into the idea that you are superior to her because you make more money. You said she's not as successful as you just because she is an elementary school teacher whereas you own a huge company and make lots of money. The fact that you define success by how much money and power one has, means that you look down on her and feel you are superior to her. Your attitude probably shows through and she picks up on that and it makes her uncomfortable that you look down on her on some level. every time you buy her expensive gifts, it reinforces that imbalance of power, it's like you're reminding her of it.
whatever the reasons, she has asked you not to buy her expensive gifts because it makes her uncomfortable. but did you listen? No, you bought her an expensive ring. Is it any surprise that she would say "you never listen"?
She has told you over and over again that she feels awkward when you buy her expensive gifts. Yet you deliberately ignore her because you dont' believe she should feel that way. This is now being inconsiderate, which is infuriating.
If you want this relationship to work you have to honor her wishes not just impose your own views on her of what she should like and want. If she wants a cheap (to you) ring, then give her that. If she wants to continue driving her beat up 15-year-old car, then dont' go buying her a brand new mercedes.
But be aware that this could just be the tip of the iceberg and could cause further relationship issues further down the road. You obviously define success in terms of money and power. She obviously does not (because she chose to be an elementary school teacher). So it could be that you two have very different views on life. I would see a red flag here. You secretly look down on her on some level because she doesn't make as much money as you. And you seem to believe that money will buy happiness. But she obviously does not have the same view of money - if she did, she would not have chosen to be a school teacher she would have chosen a path more similar to yours. You were hurt that she didn't seem all that impressed by the fact that you own a huge company. Does she secretly despise people who are hyper focused on money and power? There may therefore be more to this than you realize. If you get married, will she feel OK living in a huge house in an upscale neighborhood? something tells me she wouldn't. But would you feel OK living in a more modest and smaller and lower-income neighborhood?
You need to talk to her more about what makes her uncomfortable and try to understand her point of view, not just impose your own view on her and get frustrated at her for not being on board with it.
A
female
reader, citadel  +, writes (15 June 2012):
Well she's down to earth and you're flying with the jet set.
All is well, you have no worries.
Here is what you do. You send here a letter in the letter you put in a spoon a cheap old spoon. Added to that letter is an invoice for your donation of the money for the ring to feed the childrens fund.
Then soon you too will be feeding your own lovely children.
Like she said you never listen. But someday you might.
today you did, now go boy go.
...............................
|
